{the days move on}

The days seem to be slipping away faster and faster,

I'm sure you can relate ;)

Ryder & Will are closing in on their first year and it is bringing on

so many emotions...

trying to savor their last days as babies

looking forward to their {ever} growing independence

looking forward to sleeping again {hopefully}

missing those snuggly newborn days already

loving every little moment of discovery

wanting to pull them in and keep them small awhile longer

Being a mom is so bittersweet. It is such a joy to see your babies grow and learn and become

their own, but it breaks your heart all at the same time to see them slowly need you

less and less. I just love my boys so much.

Judah, oh Judah.

Never has there been such a passionate, life loving, joy seeking little boy. You truly

live up to the meaning of your name, "Praise"---you are such a JOY!

There are many moments of feisty toddler rebellion, but so many more of sweet

moments that you just long to LEARN and soak up life's every opportunity! We are so 

blessed to call you our son and your brothers have such a great example to lead them. We love you 

for exactly who you are and who you will become in the years ahead.

Having 3 little ones has changed our perspectives, our goals,

what we hold most dear. Isn't it funny how you have you whole life

planned out and then these little people come along and none of it makes 

sense anymore? For us, it has been a process of finding out who we are as individuals,

 but before that who are as a family. Every day we get a little closer. God is so

good and so gracious with us.

There are some big changes on the horizon, some we never considered before

but we are so excited for the next big adventure {God Willing} in the new

year. I can't wait to share what it is.

Oh, these days are so sweet and so precious. They move on and on and on

 and one day I will wake up and they will be gone. I have been thinking

so much about that lately...what will it be like when I look back

on all my days as an old woman? Will I be happy with how I lived my life,

will I look back and know I cherished all these sweet, crazy days? I so hope I do.

Thank you, Lord, for this life and these sweet boys and my incredible husband. It has been 

one of the toughest years of my life, but one that has grown and taught me

so much. I can not wait to see our boys grow and learn and love. I pray our family would

only grow closer to You and love so deeply those around us. Thank you for this year, for all

these sleepless nights and long days, for every moment that has stretched me and grown me

in ways I otherwise never would have. I am so thankful for a God who knows my every need.

The days move on, don't let them slip by with out fully living in every messy moment :) Here's to a great year ahead, 2013.

{Hope}

As we celebrated our {first Thanksgiving} holiday in our {first} house I was overwhelmed with Thankfulness....

Thankful to have a house of our own,

Thankful for a safe, beautiful place to raise our family,

Thankful for a husband who loves me & sees my heart & who I was made to be,

Thankful for 3 sweet boys we are so blessed to call our sons,

Thankful for our parents who love & support us,

Thankful for friends that encourage us & love us as family,

Thankful that all our basic needs are met every month without fail,

Thankful for the opportunities and talents God has blessed us with,

Thankful for this beautiful life in all it's craziness, stress, messiness and failures.

And so very thankful for a God who loves us so deeply and gives us HOPE for our days ahead.


I am so so excited to now celebrate our first Christmas in our house...to start some more of our own traditions and teach our children what this season is all about.

Before we had children we knew we would not do Santa with them. I do not believe that Santa is a bad guy or that he represents anything bad, but I do not believe he represents Christmas. We want to raise our kids knowing the true meaning of Christmas, to celebrate the Hope that was born into this world, to understand that this is a time to remember the greatest gift ever given, Jesus.

Our children have been born into a world where we are all searching for hope and security. We are searching in all the wrong places...a perfect job, a perfect home, a large bank account, the right president, drugs or relationships...whatever it may be. Our hope is not found in any of these empty pursuits. The beautiful thing? Hope IS here. Hope arrived thousands of years ago in the form of a little baby born in a stable. The very first gift on the very first Christmas.

That hope came when our world was not perfect and it continues to come into our now not so perfect lives. It comes into our messy lives and brings life, security, love....anything and everything we are looking to fulfill.

I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of his Son on that night so long ago and I am so excited to teach our kids what it is all about.

I pray this season is filled with wonder in a God who loves us so deeply and that it is celebrated joyfully in remembrance of the gift that Jesus truly is.

{a story of love}

This is a story of love. One that is kept secret, misunderstood, misused, shouted from the roof tops, lived and died for....it is our story.

I am a Christian. 

{If you are not or if the very word makes you want to stop reading right now, please keep reading}.

The word "Christian" carries so many meanings to many people. It can be a word that brings memories of hate, of unacceptance, of fear.

Unfortunately that is not what Jesus intended for his followers, Christians, to do. Jesus is about love. He is about acceptance.

During this election I have seen many hateful comments from other Christians on the topics of gay rights & abortion especially.

I don't want to get into what is "right" and what is "wrong"---is it my place anyway? No. What I want to stress is that it DOES NOT MATTER what other people choose to do with their lives. We {as Christians} are not called to tell other people what to do, what we are called to do is to LOVE & ACCEPT, because isn't that exactly what Jesus did for us?

We might not see things the same way, but I love you. God loves you. 

I was not always a Christian. I have always been a sinner {and still am}. But, I have always been loved by God. Same goes for each and every person on this planet.

When I chose to follow in Jesus's footsteps I just finished my freshman year of college. I finally saw an acceptance and love I had longed for my whole life. No matter what I do, no matter who I am, God loves me. I learned this while working at a camp for kids with disabilities. They loved me as God did. They didn't care what I had done right or wrong in my life, to them I was valuable and worth loving despite any of it. It still brings me to tears when I think of the way these kids showed the Lord's love to me.

And that is just the point. This is a story of love. 

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world."

-Mother Teresa

If we want God to be represented through our lives, we need to start loving people where they are. 

I want to say sorry to you if you have ever been treated without love or respect by a Christian. I want to say sorry if that Christian was ever me.

We are human. We fail. But, God never changes. His love is beyond us, beyond our understanding, unconditional and life changing. If you have never had the chance to experience that kind of love I pray that you would, because God deeply loves every person on this earth and desires to have a relationship with us right where we are.

Without a doubt, finding this love, finding a God who loved me like this has been the single most utterly life changing thing I have ever experienced. 

This is a story of LOVE. 

{Snapshots}

I thought I would share a few "snapshots" of our days from the past few weeks. I have been really slacking on going through & editing our family photos {and sharing them} for a long time now....pretty sure I still have everything from last Christmas to go through and beyond. As soon as my editing load for clients slows down I will get back to our family pictures and catch up from the past 9 months or so :) I just quickly went through and grabbed a few photos that highlight the boy's personalities...as well as a couple of them with their grandma & grandpa W. Enjoy :)

{Judah during a rare moment of quite time}

{Thats more like it!}

{Our little wild man}

{Toddler attitude}

{Ryder & his big green, sparkly eyes}

{Ryder waiting for some breakfast!}

{Our sweet little bud, Ry Guy}

{Will is such a charmer}

{Will loves to look out the window}

{This guy could play play play all day}

{practicing sharing <3}

{Little hands getting in trouble. All. Day. Long.}

{If you got it, I want it}

{Grandma Kathy is a rockstar}

{Grandpa Kriss & Ryder}

{Caught these two both looking at the camera on family picture day :) }

{All 3 sleeping after a car ride home...maybe we should do this every night at bedtime?!}

{on saying "sorry"}

We are constantly telling Judah he needs to "say sorry" for little things he does; pushing or taking something from one of the babies, yelling, kicking, throwing his football in the house or treating the iPad like it is a football {ah!}

But, yesterday, I learned an important lesson: somethings parents need to "say sorry" too.

It is not that I never realized that I do things {daily} that hurt or upset someone else...but I never thought that I would need to offer an apology {and admit I was wrong} to my child, my 2 year old son.

It is humbling when you see your child as a mini person, someone who deserves respect and sometimes has it right when you do not.

It was a out of control typical morning at our house and Judah woke up full of energy, ready to get the day started with a good game of football. I, on the other hand, was exhausted and had not had my coffee just yet. I promised him we would play football when the babies went down for their morning nap. 

Both babies were in a feisty kind of mood and were really clingy all morning....and mama never did get that coffee.

When they finally laid down {after 20 minutes of screaming}I plopped down on the couch to catch up on some emails, completely forgetting about the promised game of football.

Judah was not happy about this.

He came over and began to pull on my arm to get me off the couch, mummbling something I could not understand....and then he started screaming.

I was running on empty and not in the mood for him throwing a tantrum and snapped at him to stop, which of course made him even more upset.

He ran out of the room and I got back to my work. 

A few minutes later he was back {with football in hand}and a huge smile on his face. When I looked up and saw him staring at me with his big blue eyes full of joy & excitement my heart sank...I felt terrible that I had forgotten my promise to him.

I pulled him into my lap and said, "oh Bud, I am so sorry. Mommy told you she would play football with you during the babies nap and I forgot. I yelled at you and that was not okay. Let's go play football right now!" 

He put his little hand on my face and said, "it's okay, Mommy. Sometimes Mommies get sassy too, but My love you...and my love football!!!"

It was not the first time I had apologized to Judah, but this time it really hit me. This little boy, at such a young age understood that everyone makes mistakes and he was freely ready to offer his forgiveness. 

I pray that as my boys grow up that I could continue to humble myself before them {and say sorry} in big and little mistakes, in things that I intentionally or unitentionally may do that upset them. I don't want to see myself as the one in control, the one who is always right. I have so much to learn from my children. They bring so much joy and will one day maybe have a totally different perspective on life than I do.

Judah Jay, you are wise beyond your years. You are so full of joy and you accept and love me even when I am not doing my best. I love you so much, buddy.

{Autumn Days}

We have been blessed with an amazingly beautiful Autumn this year. The colors have been so vibrant and the weather has been perfect. We have been soaking up every minute we can outside with the kids.

Our days have been spent taking long walks around our neighborhood; 

admiring the beautiful old homes, 

watching silly squirrels running up ancient oak trees, 

stoping to talk to sweet elderly grandmas & grandpas we pass by,

kicking up piles of leaves on the sidewalks,

window shopping on Main Street,

taking turns pushing the stroller,

teaching Judah to ride his new balance bike,

giggling at chipmunks with cheeks full of acorns,

stopping at the library for a new book or two,

visiting our favorite park at the top of the hill,

grabbing a salted caramel hot cocoa at Real Coffee,

visiting the thrift store around the corner to search for treasures,

meeting new friends at play group,

eating lunch by the lake and 

making plans to have a campfire in one of the old stone fireplaces,

& just enjoying these beautiful fall days as they quickly pass us by.

The babies are changing so quickly & are really growing into their own little personalities. It is so sweet to watch. 

Ryder is such a snuggler. There is nothing he loves more on a chilly fall morning than to snuggle into the crook of my neck and just sit with me as I enjoy my morning coffee. He is such a little love. He is cautious and prefers to take the world in from the safety of my arms. He loves to watch his big brother spin around the room and be goofy, I know he would be happy to watch & giggle at Judah all day long. His big green eyes can melt your heart and make you drop everything you are doing just to pick him up and kiss his squishy little cheeks. He is definitely a mama's guy & I have to admit I am loving it! 

Will is our little adventurer. He loves to explore every corner of whatever room he happens to be in. you can guarantee that he will find the tiniest little object in the room & once he does he will turn it over in his hands for half an hour just inspecting it quietly. He is such a content little guy, always smiling and so patient. He is happy to wait his "turn" when his brothers are both screaming and needing something. He has the absolute sweetest smile and laugh in the world & is the most ticklish little guy I have ever met...ticking him will result in uncontrollable baby giggles that are pee your pants cute. This guys is such a little sweetheart.

Judah, oh Judah Jay. Our little comedian. He is such a little sponge, soaking up absolutely every thing Andrew & I do and say. It is funny how you never realize the phrases or words you use so often until you have a 2.5 year old to record your every word & repeat. It can really be a reality check for your attitude and how you respond to certain situations. He is incredibly smart and witty, it amazes us the things he comes up with! He has been working on his ABC's, counting, colors & reading every day, he just loves to learn. He has so much passion for life and takes on every day with so much gusto and enthusiasm. He loves to help us with whatever we are doing and wants to do his best to make us proud (and he truly does make us so proud!) He just loves his baby brothers so much and it is amazing to watch their relationship grow, they are going to be the best of buddies!

There are so many new things happening daily and so many dreams in our hearts for the days ahead....what a beautiful, crazy time of life it is! We are so thankful for this life we have be blessed with & the sweet little boys we get to teach & learn from daily.

{a new season}

One of the things i love most about living in Wisconsin is the beautiful changing of the seasons that we are so blessed to experience here.

I know I am not alone in this, but fall is my absolute favorite time of the year! This year is especially significant for me because it is a major shift in both seasons of life and seasons of the year.

I am so ready for a new season! 

A season of beautiful, vibrant colors.

A season of SLEEPING babies :)

A season of crisp, cool weather.

A season of learning what it means to

be a mom of three.

A season of crackling backyard campfires.

A season of family.

A season of Sunday football games.

A season of dreaming for our future.

A season of canning our summer garden's bounty.

A season of learning to lean on God more and more.

A season of warm, fuzzy sweaters.

A season of change in so many ways.

The past three seasons have felt like one long winter in my soul. Since the birth of our two little bugs we have been hibernating in a way. Finally, it seems that there is an end to this season of newborn babies, sleepless nights & toddler tantrums. All 3 of the kids are growing and learning so much every day. It is amazing to see them transform into such sweet, intelligent, loving individuals. And as they grow and become more independent I am once again able to unsurface "me." What were my hobbies again? :) Ah, the ever evolving life of a mother!

Judah and I have enjoyed doing little daily art projects together over the past week & I hope it is something we can continue to do together. He just loves to get hands on & creative!

Here is a project we did this week:

(sorry for the poor ipad quailty photo, but hopefully you can see it enough to appreciate Judah's 

paintbrush skills!)

We used scrapbook letters and wrote out a bible verse that has been a favorite at our house over the past few months. Then Judah painted over the letters. We waited for the paint to dry & peeled the letters off and got a really neat effect. {I saw a version of this on Pinterest awhile back}

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper & not harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Such beautiful words. They have carried us through the past few months & continue to give us hope for the many beautiful days the Lord has laid out for us in the seasons, months & years to come.

{time moves steady along}

somehow over a month has passed since my last post. 2 or 3 posts were started during that time, but never finished {sigh}.

the last 4 weeks have brought a lot of challenges, but also a lot of *victories*--namely, the giving up of the beloved binky (pacifier) and a fully potty trained 2 year old!!!

also, somewhere in there i got older. {officially old}

it wasn't so much the birthday or the age {27}, but the extreme lack of sleep over the past 7...er 16 months if you count the pregnancy...that has really worn on me.

the boys have been sleeping horribly. mr will has decided napping just isn't his thing & ryder enjoys sleeping in spurts of 45 minutes from the hours of 10pm-6am.

we never had these kind of sleep problems with the j-man, he slept solid through the night from 6 weeks old. so, i am kind of a rookie at this sleep deprivation. and let me tell you, it.is.a.beast.

enough complaining though, outside of that, huge little issue, we have been doing pretty well!

judah is no longer a binky addict!!! the "i need my binky NOW" meltdowns were getting to be a little bit too much around here, so on Monday we decided the bink had to go. we took judah, binky & both babies to build-a-bear where he chose a camo bear & decked it out in packer gear---and when it was time to stuff the bear, binky was stuffed inside the bear's hand and forever sewn in. GONE. he has been doing surprisingly well sans bink & only threatened to "rip" the bear one time in a heated bed time battle, to get his binky out :)

with the bink gone, judah had a total life revelation---he was officially a BIG BOY!!! from the day we got rid of binky he started to use the potty all on his own with zero accidents. we never prompted or tried to push potty training in the wake of 'goodbye bink' because we thought it would just be too much...but our big guy surprised us and went big boy all the way!!!

lots of little-big victories around these parts.

with all the challenges that come with parenting i am so thankful to have andrew by my side through it all. he is an incredible dad. judah adores him and andrew knows exactly how to encourage and support him through all of his struggles--it is such a sweet thing to see. whatever andrew does, judah does. they are two peas in a pod.

speaking of my wonderful husband, i was also blessed to celebrate FIVE years with him on august 10th. WOW. it is so hard to believe that 5 years have come and gone. they have been 5 of the best years of my life...full of so many surprises & challenges. we have grown and learned so much together. there could never be such a perfect match for me...god really knew what he was doing when he blessed me with this man! i can't wait to see what the next 5...10..20...60 years bring ;)

and, well, that sums up the last month pretty well.

i have so many thoughts and ideas for posts & i hope i can get them all out soon! in the meantime, god bless & enjoy these last sweet days of summer!

{exhaustion}

around here...

we. are. EXHAUSTED.

sleep comes in increments of no more than 2 hours

tantrums come in increments of 15 minutes

never in our lives have we been more tired

and it is really starting to catch up with us

the babies are going to be 6 months old in a few weeks 

i really thought we would be doing better by this time

but, with the lack of sleep, things are 

pretty shabby around here.

...

::on a good day::

the babies wake up to nurse at the same time(s):

3am & 5am instead of every other hour

through the night.

judah sleeps in his own bed until 5am

we all get to sleep until 7am

judah gets dressed

andrew or i gets to take a shower

judah does not escape from the house

we eat

andrew & i get some work done

andrew & i have a conversation

{unrelated to kids}

everyone {under 2} is in bed before 10pm

...

on most days none of those things happen :)

...

most days andrew and i look at each other from across the room

and say, "are you freakin' kidding me?"

 this whole experience has definitely brought us closer together

raising 3 under 3 is the hardest thing we have ever done

and we are doing it together.

if we all come out of this year alive, it will

be one of the greatest achievements of our lives.

no lie.

for all the other parents of twins out there:

I. LOVE. YOU.

&

someday we will all look back on

this time and smile...and

probably laugh

.hysterically.

and now i am going to try & steal some sleep.

goodnight!

{Babies First Bites}

We started feeding our mini duo some homemade purees this past week

They are still nursing full time, but

have recently started to be  very  interested in 

what everyone else is eating :)

The first thing they tried was some

sweet, ice cold watermelon that Andrew, Judah

and I were enjoying on a hot day.

They LOVED sucking on a piece of it

and lots of screaming resulted when the

piece was taken away.

I got to work making some simple, single

food purees : bananas, carrots, yellow squash

avocado and sweet potatoes

Ryder loves bananas

Will adores carrots

Once they are a little over 6 months I will start

trying some mixes and fun baby food recipes,

which I will share on here for anyone that might

 be starting their own adventure in homemade

baby food making :)

I have been doing lots of research on baby foods and
what are the best,most nutritious choices.

Avocado has been by far the most highly recommended.
Avocados are one of natures perfect foods--
filled with vitamins, minerals and rich in good fats!

Judah had some food allergies early on, so we are being

cautious in what we introduce--holding off on grains

until 9 months of age, as well as any kind of dairy.

When we do introduce grains we will start with Quinoa

{I could go on and on about Quinoa, but I will save it for another day :) }

And now for the cute part of this post---the babies eating

some carrots for the first time:

{Will wondering what I am about to feed them}

 {Trying to decide how he feels about the carrots!} 

{Notice his 1 blue eye & one 1/2 blue 1/2 brown eye!}

{Ryder was very happy with the carrots!}

{Judah had just burst into the room & Ryder was immediately captivated by his big bro's

crazy antics and done eating...}

{My Number One}

::Judah Jay Jacmel::

My first baby

My oldest son

The one who made me "mom"

2.5 years old at the end of this month

Full of curiosity

Full of spirit

Lives life boldly

LOVES: 

.anything with wheels.

.his baby brothers.

.being just like daddy.

.looking for king fishers.

.being outside every minute of the day.

.helping mama make breakfast.

.going to the farm.

.doing puzzles.

.reading with daddy.

.playing his guitar.

Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up..."my gonna be a cowboy, mama!"

Thinks his auntie Heidi lives in an airplane & flies by every day.

Asks for pancakes every morning.

Looks for king fishers wherever he goes.

Escapes from the house to look at the Subarau 10X a day.

Melts my heart when he says, "my love you too."

Makes our life full of adventure.

{Judah means "praise"... & this little boy loves life so deeply and tastes it so fully that his name could not be more perfect for him}

We are so thankful for the sweet little blessing that he is in our life. Although the past 5 months have been some of the most difficult for him and the tantrums have been plentiful, his sweet little spirit always shines through and makes life so very sweet.

We love you, Judah Jay!

{these are the days}

These are the days of...

Sleepless nights.

Sweet Snuggles.

An eternally messy house.

Fuzzy baby heads.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Mountains of laundry.

Lots of giggles.

Many tantrums.

Finger painting at 8am.

Missing our freedom.

Being a family.

Being broke.

Being thankful.

Dreaming about our future...


These are days I don't want to forget. These are the days I want to soak up and live in every moment.


I have had the lyrics of a song stuck in my head this week, " this is your life are you who you want to be?" and I have been (in my constant state of grogginess) trying to answer that question.


There are so many days right now that I MISS the simpleness of just Andrew and I. I remember having quite dinners (before 9pm) and being able to spend time with friends and travel whenever we wanted. I also remember how badly I wanted kids. I remember wishing that the day I would become a mama would come quickly, I wished those {just the 2 of us} years away so often.


It is so sad to me that so much our lives is about wanting what we don't have and then looking back and wishing we had what we did  have. I want to truly enjoy my life NOW. I want to be thankful for my sassy toddler and his constant curiosity...and for my two sweet babes who want to be held constantly. I know I will look back on this stage of my life and long for it. When that happens I want to feel confident that I soaked it all in and LIVED in those moments. I know that there are so many ways I can grow and learn in the years to come, but right now I want to be satisfied with who I am and where I am in life.


Maybe most people already realize this, maybe they don't. I can only speak for myself and encourage others to stop and evaluate.


In many ways I am not who I want to be. I get down on myself so often and wish I could be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, ect. All I know for sure though, is that I am where I am supposed to be right now giving it my all.... and that should be enough.


Life is short. We don't know how many days we have left or what the future will bring. So, be who you want to be today. Love your life now.


{these are the days}

{A tale of three wee bums}

I never imagined that we would have 3 in diapers.

Three little booties needing coverage.

But, here we are.

The past 5 months we have changed many a diaper,

25-30 a day to be exact.

That's about 900 diapers a month, yo.

But, thank the heavens, magical things have been happening around here:

Judah has been going sans diaper (other than nap & nighttime) for one week!

and...

I have unburied my stash of cloth diapers for the doubles.

We have gone from 900 disposable diapers to none.

Sweet relief!

I hate disposables.

To me, they are inconvenient, gross, harmful to babies & the environment 

and so dang expensive.

I don't want to debate the pros and cons, but simply share why I love them

and encourage anyone who might be interested in the switch.

I know it is not possible for some people to do cloth & I have

gone through periods of not being able to because of having shared laundry and a landlord 

who would not allow us to wash them...so lame. One of many examples of

peoples misunderstanding of cloth diapers.

But, we have our own washer & dryer now and we are back in business :)

With Judah I was a devoted user of Best Bottoms Diapers--a locally made

brand designed by a Madison mom!

I still love them, but had to increase my "diaper stash" now that 

we have two baby booties to cover.

The stash now includes:

12 Best Bottom Covers

24  BB Hemp inserts

8 Bum Genius AIO (all-in-one)

3 Thirsties AIO

1 Bumpkins AIO

4 GroVia AIO

1 Imagine AIO

24 Organic Indian Prefolds

2 Bumkins Covers

4 Kawaii Covers

2 Imagine Covers

3 Flip Covers

2 Imagine Fitted Bamboo Diapers

We are awaiting most of our stash to still arrive, but are full fledged cloth diapering for one week now.

I will blog later about the different kinds and how they are working for us.

Best Bottoms are GREAT. The only issue I have had is some leaking overnight. So, I have done lots of research and I am going to experiment with some different options.

I made sure to stock up on plenty of All-In-One diapers to make it easier for grandparents or anyone watching the babies to change them. AIO's are just as quick as a disposable. The only disadvantage is that they are a little more expensive and take longer to dry after washing.

I estimated that using cloth for the next 2 years will save us (diapering twins) close to $2000!

Besides the money $aving some other things I love about cloth diapers are:

They are stinking CUTE--they come in

so many colors and patterns!

(photos some day)

It is EASY--these are not your grandma's

cloth diapers! it is just as easy as

slapping on a disposable.

It makes the earth HAPPY :)

(yes, you use water & electricity to wash them,

but I wash COLD and line dry so it is

very minimal. Much gentler on the planet than

a disposable that takes 500 years to decompose).

They are NON-TOXIC--disposables

contain 60+ toxins, including some

known human carcinogens. 

I PROMISE...it is not gross! Not any worse than changing a disposable

and having to smell the stench in the diaper genie for days...and

with either option your going to end up with a little

poo on your hands every know and then :/ yuck.

It is relaxing...maybe it is just me (most likely) but

there is just something about a clean mound

of cloth diapers that need to be folded,

stuffed and put away...

I have more cloth thoughts, but I'll save them for another day :)

{Life: Back on ::a:: track}

It has been over 2 months since I posted.

Life has been crazy, to say the least.

I'd like to say we are "back on track," but...

not so much.

We are on a track.

Which one, I am not sure of, but at least we are all back together again.

A quick review of the past few months:

Moved out of our apartment of two years and a neighborhood that we loved.

The kids and I moved up to Green Bay for the month of May as we waited to close on our house

and Andrew moved in with our friends to finish up the school year in Madison.

It was a very long month apart with many struggles and many many tantrums.

It was especially hard on Judah being away from Andrew, we are still

"recovering" from the stress of that separation.

We spent Mother's Day weekend in Madison. It was great. We stayed at a beautiful hotel in downtown Madison, overlooking the capital or "castle" as Judah calls it.

I photographed a beautiful wedding in Wausau and was apart from the babies for the very first time for more than a few hours. 

On May 31st we closed on our first house.

It has been such a great blessing to have our own home.

We are s-l-o-w-l-y unpacking and trying to find a new routine.

Andrew wrapped up the school year at the beginning of June and said goodbye to a great group of teachers and coworkers at Cherokee.

He has been full fledged farming since. 

And that is the short story :)

I have had SO many thoughts and ideas going through my head lately and wishing I could just get them down. I am excited to be back on my blog and get back to sharing those ideas :)

Here are a few that I am planning for the near future:

**Creating a non-toxic home on a budget**

**homemade baby food**

**updates on the babies and Judah**

**the farm**

**thoughts on faith**

I know most blogs have a "theme" but my brain is too bonkers to focus on one, so I am going to just keep on adding to the beauty with my miss mosh of thoughts, ideas and dreams.

{Losing Sleep}

I am losing sleep.

Not because I am the mom of 11 week old twins.

Not because I have a two year old.

Not because we are moving in 7 days.

Not because I have a million and one things to do.

But, because I am full of JOY and ANTICIPATION for our future.

I have learned SO much over the past four weeks, it is surreal.

There have been many moments of shear chaos.

Moments of anger.

Frustration.

Confusion.

Anxiety

Fear.

Moments when I questioned God's plan.

Moments when I leaned on my own understanding and not God.

Moments when I wanted to give up.

Moments when I lost hope.

But through every one of these moments hope has carried me through.

The hope I have in a God that will never abandon of forsake me.

The hope that He has something more, something better in store for me.

And today, I am so filled with JOY.

So excited to see where the Lord will take me in the months ahead.

I have rarely felt this DEEP trust in God...

I have struggled for so long with just letting go completely...

with letting Him have control fully.

But, slowly He has worked my hard heart into something moldable.

Something useable.

Something I am freely willing to give up.

And it is the absolute BEST feeling I have ever experienced in my life.

And  that is enough to make me lose sleep.

I can't wait to share more about what I have learned and where the Lord is leading me.

{Endurance}

I have heard over and over this past month that,

"God will not give you more than you can handle"

and I have smiled, knowing that this is true...

but at the same time, wondering just HOW much that was.

"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Many times over the last year I have felt that I was being tested beyond my strength,

but the past four weeks have been exceptionally trying.

When we found out we were having twins about 9 months ago I thought I would never be able to do it. I was terrified. I wondered how I would do it, how we would make it. At the time I had no idea, but now 10 weeks into their tiny new lives I find myself overjoyed and loving every minute of it. The rewards have proven to far outweigh the hardships. God has given me an incredible honor in this and has shown me that I CAN endure and overcome and rejoice in my trials!

I have never felt the weight of the world on my shoulders more than I do now.

Between Andrew and I we are,

Raising a 2 year old

Raising 10 week old twins

Starting a farm

Running a photography business

Running a health & wellness business

Working 80 plus hours a week

Buying our first home (with less than 30 days to do it)

Packing, packing, packing

In between all this we are finding time to sometimes: eat dinner, take a shower, and maybe sleep a few hours.

LIFE. IS. CRAZY.

Our strength is waining. Our patience is borderline.

Every day a new challenge seems to creep in

and every day I wonder,

"how much more can we take before we break?!"

But, we are holding on to the knowledge that God WILL NOT give us more than we can take. He WILL lead us out of our troubles & we will come out so much stronger.

I can not wait to look back on this month and see all that we have learned and how much we have grown.

God is good. He is faithful to His promises.

I am so thankful to have a heavenly Father who loves me so.

Because of this I do not fear any trials that may come up ahead....and I know there will be many and all we are experiencing now is giving us strength to someday meet those trails.

My heart overflows as I give thanks for this beautiful, crazy life.

{Ryder & Will: 2 Months}

My little peanuts are 2 months old!

They are both just the sweetest little guys.

So smiley & happy.

Such good little sleepers: 2 days before they turned 2 months they both slept 7 hours through the night! It has been between 6-8 hours now every night since. That is life altering, let me tell ya!

Ryder still likes to have his opinion known & he is LOUD :) But, as soon as you acknowledge his grievance, he is back to being a happy guy. His smiles just melt my heart.

Will is a little more laid back, he just goes with the flow and waits his turn. He will stare into your eyes all day if you let him and give you the sweetest "coos and ooos." I love it.

They are both starting to notice the world around them so much more, they especially love to watch their big brother run around the room 80mph.

At their 2 month check up Ryder weighed in over a pound bigger than Will as I suspected :)

Ryder:

13 lbs

23 inches

Will:

11 lbs 14 ounces

23 inches

I just looked back on Judah's 2 month check up and they both outweigh him!!! Judah was 2 lbs bigger than both of them at birth, but somehow they have beat him by the 2 month mark! He was 11 lbs 9 ounces.

At the appointment the pediatrician noticed Will's eyes crossing. I had noticed it, but was not concerned because my sister had the same issue as a baby and out grew it by 2 yrs old. He literally has the EXACT same eyes as her, it is almost creepy :) I also noticed & told the ped that Will's eyes were different colors, one is very blue and the other half blue half brown. Because of both of these things she wanted to get him into a pediatric optometrist as soon as possible. I was surprised that she thought it was so urgent, but went with her opinion.

After leaving the peds we got a call about 15 mins later that they had gotten Will an appointment with a specialist at the UW children's hospital the next day. It typically takes 6 months to get into this doctor, but his ped was able to sneak him in thankfully.

I brought him to eye doctor for his appointment, still not concerned. But, found out that there are some very real concerns with Will's vision. I left feeling so sad and wishing I could do something to fix it, feeling guilty for not thinking it was anything.

Will was diagnosed with being extremely far sighted. The optometrist said he had not seen a baby this far sighted before and that we needed to keep a very close "eye" on him. He will go back in a few months and will without a doubt need glasses before he is a year old. He believed Will was crossing his eyes because he is having trouble seeing. My poor little bug.

I wanted to cry, but it was just me & Will and I didn't want him to know I was upset. He is just so sweet and has no idea what is going on.

They were also concerned about the difference in his eye color, but said we will also just keep an eye on that. It could just be a genetic thing with the coloring or it can also be a sign of some different diseases--which the doc did not want to discuss until we had more reason to be concerned a few months from now.

Please keep little Will in your prayers.

Pray that his little eyes might just get better on their own.

Pray that the eye coloring is not connected with any kind of disease.

But, for now he is just one happy little guy & I am so thankful for that.

The past two months have been nothing short of crazy, but I have loved every second of these two sweet boy's lives. They are my little treasures.