{Late Night Waiting}

With Andrew working full time and in Grad School, Judah and I find ourselves with many mid-week late nights together up waiting for Andrew to come home.

Andrew is Judah's best bud and he can absolutely not end his day without seeing his daddy. And I don't fight it because it means something, their relationship is more important than a consistent bedtime right now.

And so I find myself doing a lot of late night waiting with my 3 year old which consist of:

Lots of games of Candy Land

Lots of snugly book reading (our library checkout list is currently at 115 books!)

Busy bag activities (planning a post on these soon, I made about 40 last month and they have been so great for keeping Judah entertained)

Movie watching (our current favorite is anything Charlie Brown) you can see by his face that we are nearing the end of our late night waiting ;)

On these late nights of waiting something special is happening, in the waiting we are making memories together, just a boy and his mama waiting for their favorite person in the world to come home. I love it. Although this is a tough season in our life, we are finding joy in the waiting. 

And the waiting is so worth it...

Our joy is complete :)

{Why Relationships Matter}

Every day our minds are burdened with all we need to do, places we need to go, things we have to accomplish.

I catch myself so often moving from one task to the next, our days laid out in a well organized sequence of things "to do."

I find myself saying "just a minute", and "in a second" or "just let me finish this one thing" too many times in a day.

A friend might call to visit, my 3 year old might ask to go to the park or my husband wants to just talk an catch up on our day....but, I am too busy.

And then there are times I long to see a friend I have not connected with in weeks or months or maybe I want to read a book with my 3 year old or talk to my husband and they are suddenly too busy.

We are all too busy. We are all distracted by things that fade away. We are lured by the immediate and forget the eternal, lasting things.

Our lists of things to do will never end, the distractions will never cease. But what will remain at the end of our lives? What will last?

Relationships.

We all have them, both good and bad. Shallow and deep. They exist and they matter, more so than anything on our "to do" lists.

I often ask my 3 year old when he is frustrated with his brothers or a friend "what is more important the person or the thing?" His answer is always "the person." He gets it.

Me? Not so much.

It seems so obvious, I know. Of course people matter more than things, most of us know this. But, are we truly grasping and living out this knowledge?

I think if we were, the world would be such a different place than it is now.

I have been struggling with this a lot lately, realizing how many of my relationships are on the back burner. And I see how deeply it alters me to the core when I put my "to do's" or my own needs before the people around me.

Instead of calling up a friend, I am cleaning the kitchen.

Instead of playing a game with Judah, I am shopping online for new shoes for him.

Instead of having a new neighbor over for dinner, I am stressing about how much work we need to do on our backyard landscaping.

Instead of late night talks with my husband, I am reorganizing the play room {again}.

I am trying to keep our life clean, organized and moving along. I am trying to find ways to make our life better or easier.

And in the process I am missing the main point of this life.

I am forgetting that none of this "stuff" really adds up to much in the end.

It's the people, the depth of my relationships that contain infinite value.

So tonight I am letting the laundry pile up more than normally "acceptable", I am putting away my list of things undone, letting the dust do it's own thing and embracing the sweet souls in front of me.

I hope your weekend is full of amazing moments with the ones you love and that maybe just this once nothing gets checked off the list but time together.

Days That Melt Away

The summer days have melted away faster than I thought they would, but the memories have left sticky little handprints all over my heart.

I've missed writing/blogging, but it was good to just be in those moments and let the memories be enough. 

I barely even clicked my shutter this summer. There are maybe a few hundred photos to document our many road trips, backyard campouts, visits with family and just the general day to day sweetness that was our summer.

With the pressure of needing to "capture" every moment, we sometimes forget to be in the moment.

As I sit and reflect on the memories of the summer, a few come to mind. Nothing extraordinary, but just a lot of every day ordinary, messy, {sometimes loud} and wonderful moments:

Late night drives to the lake {with soundly sleeping babes in the back} and long conversations for Andrew and I.

Hiking, exploring, diving off the old dock, rainy afternoon forts indoors, hot muggy nights spent in the screen tent waiting for a storm to break the heat, catching wiggly fish...

Road trips to see grandparents and extended family.

A special week with Uncle Jack {Andrew's brother through his birth Mom}

And then a week with Aunt Shaley & Ella {Andrew's sisters through his birth Dad}

Giant, sun ripened harvests from our garden

And many delicious meals from said ripe harvests :)

There were many games of peek-a-boo, hide and seek, Candyland, and Go Fish

And thankfully {for mama} there were plenty of nice, long afternoon naps

I hope your summer was just as packed with good memories!

I look forward to getting back to writing and reflecting on what I am learning on this crazy journey called life on my blog this fall.

One Year

One year ago today began one of the toughest challenges of my life. As I look back and reflect on it I see so much of myself has died. When I say that, what I mean is so much of the ugliness and selfishness in my heart has died, things that before this past year were so  prominent.

As a mother, I have seen what it means to truly lay down my life for another. It comes with the territory. To be an intentional, loving, kind and patient mother you have to give up your "old" self for a    new one, one that puts your children before you always.

It's not easy. I began to see this with Judah, but with the twins it overtook me. I had no choice, I had no time to stop and think about me. The life of a mother is a life of service.

Although it may seem, from the outside to be not a joyful thing, I truly count it as joy. This last  year of intense loneliness, struggle to make it through the day, wondering how I could ever make it a year nursing twins, caring for 3 kids 2 and under was the most intense suffering I have ever known. But, through it I have come to know and understand God so deeply.

Jesus came to serve and give his life. To live a life that is fully in service to others, to my children, has brought me to a closer understanding of Christ. To daily lay down my life for my kids becomes easier when I think of how Christ lay down His life for me. To die to myself daily and in some small way experience the death of Jesus is life altering.

"Every day we experience something of the death of Jesus, so we also may show the power of Jesus."
-2Cor 4:10

Without God, without the example of Jesus in my life this year would have been for loss. But, in my struggle, in my darkest moments I found joy.

When I found out we would be having twins, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I wondered why God would think I could handle this, me a perpetual worrier, so unsure of who I was and what I could accomplish. Now, I see. Now I know that God gave me a gift so amazing and beautiful that I could never comprehend how much it has changed my life, I can only see a small bit of the bigger picture, but even that is so much more than I ever imagined.

Ryder & Will & Judah, you are my sweet ones. You have brought so much joy, so much love to my life. Your little lives have changed me to my very core. You have shown me so much of who I am and who God made me to be. I love you to the depths of my soul. You are my treasures.

"Every opportunity and event of our lives provides the chance to learn the deepest lesson anyone can learn on Earth, 'My present life is not that of the old "I", but the living Christ within me."
-Elisabeth Elliot

{the days move on}

The days seem to be slipping away faster and faster,

I'm sure you can relate ;)

Ryder & Will are closing in on their first year and it is bringing on

so many emotions...

trying to savor their last days as babies

looking forward to their {ever} growing independence

looking forward to sleeping again {hopefully}

missing those snuggly newborn days already

loving every little moment of discovery

wanting to pull them in and keep them small awhile longer

Being a mom is so bittersweet. It is such a joy to see your babies grow and learn and become

their own, but it breaks your heart all at the same time to see them slowly need you

less and less. I just love my boys so much.

Judah, oh Judah.

Never has there been such a passionate, life loving, joy seeking little boy. You truly

live up to the meaning of your name, "Praise"---you are such a JOY!

There are many moments of feisty toddler rebellion, but so many more of sweet

moments that you just long to LEARN and soak up life's every opportunity! We are so 

blessed to call you our son and your brothers have such a great example to lead them. We love you 

for exactly who you are and who you will become in the years ahead.

Having 3 little ones has changed our perspectives, our goals,

what we hold most dear. Isn't it funny how you have you whole life

planned out and then these little people come along and none of it makes 

sense anymore? For us, it has been a process of finding out who we are as individuals,

 but before that who are as a family. Every day we get a little closer. God is so

good and so gracious with us.

There are some big changes on the horizon, some we never considered before

but we are so excited for the next big adventure {God Willing} in the new

year. I can't wait to share what it is.

Oh, these days are so sweet and so precious. They move on and on and on

 and one day I will wake up and they will be gone. I have been thinking

so much about that lately...what will it be like when I look back

on all my days as an old woman? Will I be happy with how I lived my life,

will I look back and know I cherished all these sweet, crazy days? I so hope I do.

Thank you, Lord, for this life and these sweet boys and my incredible husband. It has been 

one of the toughest years of my life, but one that has grown and taught me

so much. I can not wait to see our boys grow and learn and love. I pray our family would

only grow closer to You and love so deeply those around us. Thank you for this year, for all

these sleepless nights and long days, for every moment that has stretched me and grown me

in ways I otherwise never would have. I am so thankful for a God who knows my every need.

The days move on, don't let them slip by with out fully living in every messy moment :) Here's to a great year ahead, 2013.

{Hope}

As we celebrated our {first Thanksgiving} holiday in our {first} house I was overwhelmed with Thankfulness....

Thankful to have a house of our own,

Thankful for a safe, beautiful place to raise our family,

Thankful for a husband who loves me & sees my heart & who I was made to be,

Thankful for 3 sweet boys we are so blessed to call our sons,

Thankful for our parents who love & support us,

Thankful for friends that encourage us & love us as family,

Thankful that all our basic needs are met every month without fail,

Thankful for the opportunities and talents God has blessed us with,

Thankful for this beautiful life in all it's craziness, stress, messiness and failures.

And so very thankful for a God who loves us so deeply and gives us HOPE for our days ahead.


I am so so excited to now celebrate our first Christmas in our house...to start some more of our own traditions and teach our children what this season is all about.

Before we had children we knew we would not do Santa with them. I do not believe that Santa is a bad guy or that he represents anything bad, but I do not believe he represents Christmas. We want to raise our kids knowing the true meaning of Christmas, to celebrate the Hope that was born into this world, to understand that this is a time to remember the greatest gift ever given, Jesus.

Our children have been born into a world where we are all searching for hope and security. We are searching in all the wrong places...a perfect job, a perfect home, a large bank account, the right president, drugs or relationships...whatever it may be. Our hope is not found in any of these empty pursuits. The beautiful thing? Hope IS here. Hope arrived thousands of years ago in the form of a little baby born in a stable. The very first gift on the very first Christmas.

That hope came when our world was not perfect and it continues to come into our now not so perfect lives. It comes into our messy lives and brings life, security, love....anything and everything we are looking to fulfill.

I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of his Son on that night so long ago and I am so excited to teach our kids what it is all about.

I pray this season is filled with wonder in a God who loves us so deeply and that it is celebrated joyfully in remembrance of the gift that Jesus truly is.

{Snapshots}

I thought I would share a few "snapshots" of our days from the past few weeks. I have been really slacking on going through & editing our family photos {and sharing them} for a long time now....pretty sure I still have everything from last Christmas to go through and beyond. As soon as my editing load for clients slows down I will get back to our family pictures and catch up from the past 9 months or so :) I just quickly went through and grabbed a few photos that highlight the boy's personalities...as well as a couple of them with their grandma & grandpa W. Enjoy :)

{Judah during a rare moment of quite time}

{Thats more like it!}

{Our little wild man}

{Toddler attitude}

{Ryder & his big green, sparkly eyes}

{Ryder waiting for some breakfast!}

{Our sweet little bud, Ry Guy}

{Will is such a charmer}

{Will loves to look out the window}

{This guy could play play play all day}

{practicing sharing <3}

{Little hands getting in trouble. All. Day. Long.}

{If you got it, I want it}

{Grandma Kathy is a rockstar}

{Grandpa Kriss & Ryder}

{Caught these two both looking at the camera on family picture day :) }

{All 3 sleeping after a car ride home...maybe we should do this every night at bedtime?!}

{Autumn Days}

We have been blessed with an amazingly beautiful Autumn this year. The colors have been so vibrant and the weather has been perfect. We have been soaking up every minute we can outside with the kids.

Our days have been spent taking long walks around our neighborhood; 

admiring the beautiful old homes, 

watching silly squirrels running up ancient oak trees, 

stoping to talk to sweet elderly grandmas & grandpas we pass by,

kicking up piles of leaves on the sidewalks,

window shopping on Main Street,

taking turns pushing the stroller,

teaching Judah to ride his new balance bike,

giggling at chipmunks with cheeks full of acorns,

stopping at the library for a new book or two,

visiting our favorite park at the top of the hill,

grabbing a salted caramel hot cocoa at Real Coffee,

visiting the thrift store around the corner to search for treasures,

meeting new friends at play group,

eating lunch by the lake and 

making plans to have a campfire in one of the old stone fireplaces,

& just enjoying these beautiful fall days as they quickly pass us by.

The babies are changing so quickly & are really growing into their own little personalities. It is so sweet to watch. 

Ryder is such a snuggler. There is nothing he loves more on a chilly fall morning than to snuggle into the crook of my neck and just sit with me as I enjoy my morning coffee. He is such a little love. He is cautious and prefers to take the world in from the safety of my arms. He loves to watch his big brother spin around the room and be goofy, I know he would be happy to watch & giggle at Judah all day long. His big green eyes can melt your heart and make you drop everything you are doing just to pick him up and kiss his squishy little cheeks. He is definitely a mama's guy & I have to admit I am loving it! 

Will is our little adventurer. He loves to explore every corner of whatever room he happens to be in. you can guarantee that he will find the tiniest little object in the room & once he does he will turn it over in his hands for half an hour just inspecting it quietly. He is such a content little guy, always smiling and so patient. He is happy to wait his "turn" when his brothers are both screaming and needing something. He has the absolute sweetest smile and laugh in the world & is the most ticklish little guy I have ever met...ticking him will result in uncontrollable baby giggles that are pee your pants cute. This guys is such a little sweetheart.

Judah, oh Judah Jay. Our little comedian. He is such a little sponge, soaking up absolutely every thing Andrew & I do and say. It is funny how you never realize the phrases or words you use so often until you have a 2.5 year old to record your every word & repeat. It can really be a reality check for your attitude and how you respond to certain situations. He is incredibly smart and witty, it amazes us the things he comes up with! He has been working on his ABC's, counting, colors & reading every day, he just loves to learn. He has so much passion for life and takes on every day with so much gusto and enthusiasm. He loves to help us with whatever we are doing and wants to do his best to make us proud (and he truly does make us so proud!) He just loves his baby brothers so much and it is amazing to watch their relationship grow, they are going to be the best of buddies!

There are so many new things happening daily and so many dreams in our hearts for the days ahead....what a beautiful, crazy time of life it is! We are so thankful for this life we have be blessed with & the sweet little boys we get to teach & learn from daily.

{a new season}

One of the things i love most about living in Wisconsin is the beautiful changing of the seasons that we are so blessed to experience here.

I know I am not alone in this, but fall is my absolute favorite time of the year! This year is especially significant for me because it is a major shift in both seasons of life and seasons of the year.

I am so ready for a new season! 

A season of beautiful, vibrant colors.

A season of SLEEPING babies :)

A season of crisp, cool weather.

A season of learning what it means to

be a mom of three.

A season of crackling backyard campfires.

A season of family.

A season of Sunday football games.

A season of dreaming for our future.

A season of canning our summer garden's bounty.

A season of learning to lean on God more and more.

A season of warm, fuzzy sweaters.

A season of change in so many ways.

The past three seasons have felt like one long winter in my soul. Since the birth of our two little bugs we have been hibernating in a way. Finally, it seems that there is an end to this season of newborn babies, sleepless nights & toddler tantrums. All 3 of the kids are growing and learning so much every day. It is amazing to see them transform into such sweet, intelligent, loving individuals. And as they grow and become more independent I am once again able to unsurface "me." What were my hobbies again? :) Ah, the ever evolving life of a mother!

Judah and I have enjoyed doing little daily art projects together over the past week & I hope it is something we can continue to do together. He just loves to get hands on & creative!

Here is a project we did this week:

(sorry for the poor ipad quailty photo, but hopefully you can see it enough to appreciate Judah's 

paintbrush skills!)

We used scrapbook letters and wrote out a bible verse that has been a favorite at our house over the past few months. Then Judah painted over the letters. We waited for the paint to dry & peeled the letters off and got a really neat effect. {I saw a version of this on Pinterest awhile back}

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper & not harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Such beautiful words. They have carried us through the past few months & continue to give us hope for the many beautiful days the Lord has laid out for us in the seasons, months & years to come.

{exhaustion}

around here...

we. are. EXHAUSTED.

sleep comes in increments of no more than 2 hours

tantrums come in increments of 15 minutes

never in our lives have we been more tired

and it is really starting to catch up with us

the babies are going to be 6 months old in a few weeks 

i really thought we would be doing better by this time

but, with the lack of sleep, things are 

pretty shabby around here.

...

::on a good day::

the babies wake up to nurse at the same time(s):

3am & 5am instead of every other hour

through the night.

judah sleeps in his own bed until 5am

we all get to sleep until 7am

judah gets dressed

andrew or i gets to take a shower

judah does not escape from the house

we eat

andrew & i get some work done

andrew & i have a conversation

{unrelated to kids}

everyone {under 2} is in bed before 10pm

...

on most days none of those things happen :)

...

most days andrew and i look at each other from across the room

and say, "are you freakin' kidding me?"

 this whole experience has definitely brought us closer together

raising 3 under 3 is the hardest thing we have ever done

and we are doing it together.

if we all come out of this year alive, it will

be one of the greatest achievements of our lives.

no lie.

for all the other parents of twins out there:

I. LOVE. YOU.

&

someday we will all look back on

this time and smile...and

probably laugh

.hysterically.

and now i am going to try & steal some sleep.

goodnight!

{Babies First Bites}

We started feeding our mini duo some homemade purees this past week

They are still nursing full time, but

have recently started to be  very  interested in 

what everyone else is eating :)

The first thing they tried was some

sweet, ice cold watermelon that Andrew, Judah

and I were enjoying on a hot day.

They LOVED sucking on a piece of it

and lots of screaming resulted when the

piece was taken away.

I got to work making some simple, single

food purees : bananas, carrots, yellow squash

avocado and sweet potatoes

Ryder loves bananas

Will adores carrots

Once they are a little over 6 months I will start

trying some mixes and fun baby food recipes,

which I will share on here for anyone that might

 be starting their own adventure in homemade

baby food making :)

I have been doing lots of research on baby foods and
what are the best,most nutritious choices.

Avocado has been by far the most highly recommended.
Avocados are one of natures perfect foods--
filled with vitamins, minerals and rich in good fats!

Judah had some food allergies early on, so we are being

cautious in what we introduce--holding off on grains

until 9 months of age, as well as any kind of dairy.

When we do introduce grains we will start with Quinoa

{I could go on and on about Quinoa, but I will save it for another day :) }

And now for the cute part of this post---the babies eating

some carrots for the first time:

{Will wondering what I am about to feed them}

 {Trying to decide how he feels about the carrots!} 

{Notice his 1 blue eye & one 1/2 blue 1/2 brown eye!}

{Ryder was very happy with the carrots!}

{Judah had just burst into the room & Ryder was immediately captivated by his big bro's

crazy antics and done eating...}

{these are the days}

These are the days of...

Sleepless nights.

Sweet Snuggles.

An eternally messy house.

Fuzzy baby heads.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Mountains of laundry.

Lots of giggles.

Many tantrums.

Finger painting at 8am.

Missing our freedom.

Being a family.

Being broke.

Being thankful.

Dreaming about our future...


These are days I don't want to forget. These are the days I want to soak up and live in every moment.


I have had the lyrics of a song stuck in my head this week, " this is your life are you who you want to be?" and I have been (in my constant state of grogginess) trying to answer that question.


There are so many days right now that I MISS the simpleness of just Andrew and I. I remember having quite dinners (before 9pm) and being able to spend time with friends and travel whenever we wanted. I also remember how badly I wanted kids. I remember wishing that the day I would become a mama would come quickly, I wished those {just the 2 of us} years away so often.


It is so sad to me that so much our lives is about wanting what we don't have and then looking back and wishing we had what we did  have. I want to truly enjoy my life NOW. I want to be thankful for my sassy toddler and his constant curiosity...and for my two sweet babes who want to be held constantly. I know I will look back on this stage of my life and long for it. When that happens I want to feel confident that I soaked it all in and LIVED in those moments. I know that there are so many ways I can grow and learn in the years to come, but right now I want to be satisfied with who I am and where I am in life.


Maybe most people already realize this, maybe they don't. I can only speak for myself and encourage others to stop and evaluate.


In many ways I am not who I want to be. I get down on myself so often and wish I could be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, ect. All I know for sure though, is that I am where I am supposed to be right now giving it my all.... and that should be enough.


Life is short. We don't know how many days we have left or what the future will bring. So, be who you want to be today. Love your life now.


{these are the days}

{Endurance}

I have heard over and over this past month that,

"God will not give you more than you can handle"

and I have smiled, knowing that this is true...

but at the same time, wondering just HOW much that was.

"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Many times over the last year I have felt that I was being tested beyond my strength,

but the past four weeks have been exceptionally trying.

When we found out we were having twins about 9 months ago I thought I would never be able to do it. I was terrified. I wondered how I would do it, how we would make it. At the time I had no idea, but now 10 weeks into their tiny new lives I find myself overjoyed and loving every minute of it. The rewards have proven to far outweigh the hardships. God has given me an incredible honor in this and has shown me that I CAN endure and overcome and rejoice in my trials!

I have never felt the weight of the world on my shoulders more than I do now.

Between Andrew and I we are,

Raising a 2 year old

Raising 10 week old twins

Starting a farm

Running a photography business

Running a health & wellness business

Working 80 plus hours a week

Buying our first home (with less than 30 days to do it)

Packing, packing, packing

In between all this we are finding time to sometimes: eat dinner, take a shower, and maybe sleep a few hours.

LIFE. IS. CRAZY.

Our strength is waining. Our patience is borderline.

Every day a new challenge seems to creep in

and every day I wonder,

"how much more can we take before we break?!"

But, we are holding on to the knowledge that God WILL NOT give us more than we can take. He WILL lead us out of our troubles & we will come out so much stronger.

I can not wait to look back on this month and see all that we have learned and how much we have grown.

God is good. He is faithful to His promises.

I am so thankful to have a heavenly Father who loves me so.

Because of this I do not fear any trials that may come up ahead....and I know there will be many and all we are experiencing now is giving us strength to someday meet those trails.

My heart overflows as I give thanks for this beautiful, crazy life.

{Beautiful Disaster}

This is our life right now. We are a mess. But we are beyond blessed.

We welcomed our two sweet boys into the World on 2.1.12 at 6:25pm and 6:42pm.

Ryder Elwood- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long

Will Albert- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 20 inches long

We could not have hoped for a better birth experience. Everything went so smoothly and both babies were very healthy. (Birth Story to come).

The first days at home have been the most challenging days of our lives. We hardly sleep, forget to eat & talk without making sense.

Day one at home was great (Friday). The night was fairly good, we had a good routine down between me nursing and Andrew changing diapers. I think we got a good 3 hrs that night. It felt great :)

Saturday morning I woke up with one of my legs being extremely swollen and painful. I also found that I had developed 2 ulcers in my right eye. I called my doctor immediately and she to me to get to the ER as soon as possible, for concern of a blood clot. The ER was the last place I wanted to bring my newborn babies, but we had no choice. After 3 long hours in the ER and an ultrasound on both legs, I was discharged blood-clot free. Praise the Lord! They had also weighed the babies in the ER because we missed our pediatrician visit that morning. We found out that Ryder had lost too much weight and was down to 6 pounds 1 ounce. So, from there we rushed over to the peds before they closed at noon. WE WERE EXHAUSTED at this point.

Come Sunday morning things seemed like maybe they would settle down. We had some wonderful visitors for most of the afternoon and just enjoyed sharing our new babies with them.

Then I started to have extreme pain nursing. So much so that I could not bare to do it and had to start pumping. It was miserable. I was a mess and in so much pain, rendering me almost useless to do anything other than pump and feed the babies (which, apparently is ALL I should be doing...but, oh my, it is HARD for me to give up control to other and ask for help!)

That evening as we were getting ready for bed and I was finishing up feeding a baby Andrew walked in the room white as a ghost holding the other baby. He said he felt really nauseous all of a sudden. I quickly prayed that it was nothing. But, no it was something...about 10 vomiting episodes later Andrew emerged from the bathroom looking like the picture of death. At this point my sweet (AMAZINGLY helpful sister) had already gone to bed. I didn't want to wake her and tried to pump myself up for a very long night.

Andrew spent the rest of the night dying on the couch, completely helpless while I rushed back and forth all hours of the night trying to care for two newborns. I counted, down to the minute how much sleep I got that evening....10 minutes. TEN minutes!!!

When Monday morning hit I felt like I was in a cloud. My sister yelled at me for not waking her to help. STUPID, I know. But, I really have a hard time letting go of my need to get things done myself. Another mom of twins told me, "The number one rule of being a mom of twins is, -NEVER turn down help." She could not be wiser.

So, I sent out my first Facebook SOS. I knew my sister and I could not take care of the babies and Judah (who had also been sick the night before) alone. My incredible friend Christy responded literally with in seconds and rushed out the door to our rescue.

Meanwhile pumping and nursing were becoming increasingly painful.

My sister and I fumbled through and afternoon pediatrician visit and a Target run for much needed supplies. Both babies were amazing and slept almost the whole time.

On a good note, both babies had gained 5.5 ounces in two days...AMAZING! It really lifted my spirits.

Christy spent almost the ENTIRE day with us, caring for Judah and the babies so my sister and I could nap. I could not be more grateful for her love and support.

That evening my sister slept on an air mattress in my room to help me with the babies while Andrew tried to get better out on the couch. Our babies had been quarantined to our room. The night was SO much better than the one before, I could not have made it another night like that. I am so thankful for my sister! I got 5 total hours of sleep last night in-between feeding and changing the babies. I was sure I would feel better in the morning.

But, alas, this morning I woke up to the unmistakeable feeling of being run over by a semi. I have never felt worse. I could not pick myself up off the bed. It hurt literally everywhere and I was running a high fever. I was sure I was dying. I called my doctor right away and she was sure I had mastitis, a serious breast infection that renders you completely useless with what feels like the worst flu of your life.

She had me come in in the afternoon to check and sent me home with instructions to call back if it got worse---how could I feel WORSE?!

So here I am, tonight, surrounded by dirty diapers, bottles, mounds of baby clothes and in so much pain....and I am smiling. I promise you, I am smiling. I am so filled with love for my two new babies, so thankful that God would choose to bless us so immensely, that He trust US with these two sweet boys. I am beyond thankful for this mess, because it is the result of hours and hours of loving and caring for our babies.

Our life is a disaster. But, it is beautiful.

We will come out of this so much stronger, understanding even more what love really means.

If God is love and love is God than everything that is is everything that ever was...

Blessed

Being a Mom has been the greatest blessing of my life.

It has also been the greatest challenge.

In the day to day, I sometimes forget how blessed I am.

I get caught up in the mundane, the routine.

The tantrums sometimes outshine the sweet little moments.

The fear of the unknown takes over the present joys.

How will I care for THREE children TWO AND UNDER?

How will I ever have time alone?

When will I shower?

How will we manage?

I forget about:

Judah's sweet smile & big blue eyes.

The feel of his small hand in mine.

Our dreams of a big family coming true.

The gentle bops and bump from two babies in my belly.

I AM BLESSED.

Even when life is difficult, the blessings remain.

I pray that I can hold on to this knowledge in the months ahead.

I pray that as things get more complicated and difficult the blessings will be more apparent.

I pray that I would be satisfied with the life, the blessings, the challenges of this life.

I pray these same things for you.

I want to end with a song that I have been listening to over and over again lately by Stephen Kellogg- "Satisfied Man."

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"IF HEAVEN AND FAMILY AND CHILDREN ARE WHAT'S LEFT OF THE RACE THAT I RAN, THEN I'LL QUITELY SLIP TO THE SLUMBERING PEACE OF THE SLEEP OF A SATISFIED MAN..."