{Not As Strong As You Think You Are}

Supermom.

Strong.

Brave.

Capable.

Amazing.

All words people have so generously and kindly offered when they describe me and the way I have handled the past year {plus} navigating the health struggles of our sons Teddy and Will.


I welcomed the kind words, but inside my heart they didn't mesh with the way I truly felt. I didn't feel  all that super, or strong or brave. I felt like I was pushing through, grasping the bare essentials of sanity to make it through each day. I told myself I needed to own those words, to be those things...at least on the outside. I had to keep it together, for my kids, my husband...everyone else.




I needed to be ok. I needed to be strong.


And then I miscarried.


And it wasn't ok.


Any strength I thought I had was emptied out. The mask was off.

In those days after losing our baby, I felt a weakness unlike any I have before. There was absolutely nothing I could do to change what had happened, nothing I could have done to prevent it. A blow I never saw coming.


A reminder of how truly weak we are in our human frames, wearing masks of strength, power, capability.


We see weakness as a fault, a shortcoming and strength as a barrier against all the hurt the world throws at us. And then there are these moments, when your helplessness confronts you...and suddenly you're not as strong as you {or anyone else} thought you were.


And it's ok, to not be strong. Because, He is strong, His power made perfect in our weakness.


"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." {2 Corinthians 12:9}


I will boast in my weakness, because when I am weak, then I am strong. Not exactly what the world around us says, but in this truth I am resting- I am clinging on to the things that are true, when right now nothing feels ok.


It is not me who is strong, but Christ in me.


Beauty in my mess.


Strength in my weakness.


Hope for the hopeless.