{When God Gives You More Than You Can Handle}

You've probably heard the saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle" and it probably came at a time when you felt like your life was swallowing you up whole, when the odds were stacked up against you and deep inside you wondered how you would keep it all together.



Yeah, that is my life. It has been my life for the past 3 years.

Pregnancy & birth of twin boys when my first son was barely 2
Hundreds of miles away from any family
A husband working full time by day and tackling grad school by night.
3 boys 4 and under & one on the way
A very sick child, who was later diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder.
The birth of our 4th son (4 kids 4 & under)
A new career path & adjustment for my husband (many late nights alone)
Months of fear & worry over a baby who wouldn't grow
10 days in the hospital with my 6 month old
Trying to fit a 2nd medically complex child into our crazy life

A story and challenges unique to me, but really, who doesn't have a crap ton of overwhelming stuff going on in their lives?


Guys, I am here to tell you, I have more than I can handle. And it's okay if you do too. You don't have to be supermom/dad, the master of multi-tasking, the keeper of a perfect home, a ladder-climbing achiever at your job, a perfect Christian, flawless friend,  & world dominating machine.


It's ok. We are all pretty weak and scared on the inside, wondering if anyone else can tell.


I can't do it. I can not keep it together on my own. I've worked so hard the past 3 years to keep these exterior walls of strength up around the parts of me that were crumbling on the inside.

I'm embracing my weakness. Embracing the fact that I can't do it all & that it is ok to let other people know that too.


Because, yes, God absolutely gives more than we can handle- every single one of us, whether we want to admit that or not.


It's easy to let our brains fall in the the bottomless pit of distractions at our fingertips, to let our minds be pulled this way & that, to let us forget about the things that ache deep in our souls, to let ourseleves be deceived into thinking the Pinterest dream is just around the corner & that we can get to a place where everything is just right. We can fool our selves pretty easily into thinking every thing is ok, bandaging our wounds for another day, keeping it together for everyone else.


Well, I say, STOP IT!


There isn't a person on this Earth who has it all together, has perfection figured out, has everything under control. Let's all stop pretending & telling each other we don't have more than we can handle. Because we do.

Although this all sounds rather depressing, there is hope. We were never asked to do this on our own. In the midst of our tangled up mess, God calls us to Him, to lay our burdens down, to let them rest on the shoulders of the One who can handle it all.


His yoke is easy & His burden is light.


Thank you Jesus.


Thank you for seeing me in my little, wobbly exterior, holding it all together around my tender soul. Thank you for loving me and letting me crumble and struggle and find You patiently waiting for me to see I needed more of You.


God's strength is made perfect in weakness. He wants our truest selves, he wants our little ragamuffin hearts, our potty mouths & sin stained lives. Because the beauty of God never shines brighter than when it is contrasted and perfected in weakness.


There is so much beauty in the mess. So much hope in the struggle. So much truth under our deception. None of us is really so different from the next, none of us can do it on our own, so let's stop pretending.


Friends, I've got more than I can handle...but, I'm not handling it anymore. And you don't have to either.

{He Already Knows}

It has been months since I have sat down to write, so many things have begun and ended and snuck onto the pages of my days.

A few nights ago, I woke up to the grunting of a hungry baby. The house was quite, except for he and I quietly rocking in the well loved rocker. His long eye lashes fluttered and I prayed to never forget this moment just as it was. 

And then, so gently, as it always is- the feather light whisper of a call to write it all down again, persevere it for the day when my boys can understand and together we can taste and see the goodness that was always with us. 

These are bone weary days. Fear has crept into my home, my heart. Uncertainty and worry threaten my steps daily. As I seek to keep my eyes focused on what is true and lasting, I am comforted by this: 

He already knows.

One of our little men has been fighting a quite, faceless battle in his little body for almost a year- one we can not see or give a name.

We have been blessed beyond measure with doctors who care deeply, refuse to give up and astound me with the depth of their knowledge and skill. But, even they can not call it by name right now. 

At times, the fear, the overwhelming hopeless pricks of the unknown bring me to my knees in worry, the tears burn hot on my cheeks and remind me of how fragile our human bodies are in this broken world. 

And then again,so softly the words brush my thoughts in the loneliness of the wee morning:

He already knows.

When as faulty, broken, arms flailing humans we search desperate for an answer, there is One greater than us, than this darkness creeping in, who knows. He sees the places we have not yet ventured. He knows us, created us bit by bit, and nothing is lost to Him. 

He knows, He knows, He knows...

As I press on into this new day, there is renewed hope, there is comfort in knowing that as we wonder through these dark days He sees us, He knows us, He gave himself for us so that even when we walk through the valley we can fear no evil. We rest in the promise that when every thing feels broken, we are safe in His arms.

Though our bodies may fail us, we know there is more. There is nothing that can separate us from His Love, the eternal parts of us can never be taken. Fear can not find us there, sickness can not taint that part of us, we are more, we are His. 

We are known and always have been, intimately by the One who sees and know it all- and loves us still. 

{when you feel like you are failing}

The valleys-I think we can all say we have had some in our lifetime. Maybe you are in one right now. Maybe you just came out of one-and you're stronger, but the sting of that experience has changed you, you're not the same. You messed up, you failed-but, it's not over.

It's those valleys, those low spots where life can feel stagnant and dark, where you ask yourself what it is you are doing and does it mean anything? 

Those moments when you feel like you are failing at life.

It's realizing at 30 that maybe what you went to college for and have worked at for the last 7 or 8 years isn't resonating with who you are.

It's the waking up in the night and looking around at your life and nothing is what you planned or thought it would be---it's the getting up in the morning and feeling like there has to be something more than this.

It's those moments when you compare the work of your hands to the work of everyone else and wonder how yours could ever matter or if anyone will ever notice. It's the years of investing your heart into something and still not seeing the fruit.

It's the secret fear in all of our hearts.

It's the knowing we only get one shot at this life and somehow we keep messing it up-the valleys, they keep coming.

There is not a person on this planet who, to their very core, in the back of their minds doesn't feel like they have failed in some way or another.

Failure feels like weakness & who wants to admit they are weak, that they need something more than their own strength to get through?

Who wants to admit that maybe we don't always get it right?

Not me.

Isn't that why we look so strong? Why that other mom at the park looks so put together, but when she gets home she falls apart. Or why your coworker seems to always be one step ahead, but everything else in their life is one step behind. 

We can't do it all, we can't give here and not fail there. 

So, friend if today you are in a low place, if it feels like you are failing where it matters most, it's okay.

You're not supposed to get it right, you're not supposed to do this alone or "keep it together" or be that person we all want to be---because even that person feels like you, they are failing too.

Those moments of failure, those valleys-that's real, that's life, that's our souls remembering that this is not our home---that this life, it's not all there is. 

Those moments do not own you or define you--they change you and if you are putting your hope in something more, they bring you closer to that something more. 

And friend, if you do not know that feeling of hope, I pray you do one day soon---that you could stop relying on your own strength and drowning in your weakness, but instead find a hope that will carry you.

{Late Night Waiting}

With Andrew working full time and in Grad School, Judah and I find ourselves with many mid-week late nights together up waiting for Andrew to come home.

Andrew is Judah's best bud and he can absolutely not end his day without seeing his daddy. And I don't fight it because it means something, their relationship is more important than a consistent bedtime right now.

And so I find myself doing a lot of late night waiting with my 3 year old which consist of:

Lots of games of Candy Land

Lots of snugly book reading (our library checkout list is currently at 115 books!)

Busy bag activities (planning a post on these soon, I made about 40 last month and they have been so great for keeping Judah entertained)

Movie watching (our current favorite is anything Charlie Brown) you can see by his face that we are nearing the end of our late night waiting ;)

On these late nights of waiting something special is happening, in the waiting we are making memories together, just a boy and his mama waiting for their favorite person in the world to come home. I love it. Although this is a tough season in our life, we are finding joy in the waiting. 

And the waiting is so worth it...

Our joy is complete :)

{Beauty From These Ashes}

I don't understand a lot, especially when it comes to the pain and brokenness we all experience in this life. It just doesn't make a lot of sense.

When you are a kid the world seems so beautiful and dangerous. But as an adults we sometimes lose that wonder and  that fear. We forget how much we matter and how much those around us matter. We forget how fragile we are and we come face to face with really how short our lives are.

I am not too old, but sometimes I feel like most of my life has passed me by and I am running out of ground to cover before the race is done. I start to panic when stuff falls apart, when bad things happen to those I love, when my own brokenness hurts others, when nothing seems to work out like I thought it would...and all I see is a pile of ashes at my feet.

But isn't that the way it is in this life?

Isn't it a reminder of how messed up we are and all we can really create is mess after mess, turning our life and plans into a heap of burning ashes at our feet?

Dangerous.

We are destructive by nature, destined to mess it all up no matter how smart, or determined or well planned our dreams and life may be.

Things just fall apart. They rust and they rot and they leave us feeling empty and wondering how we ever got here.

But there is hope. There is always hope.

Something beautiful can come from the mess we have made.

Redemption.

Beauty from the ashes.

When our brokenness, our failures and our plans are contrasted with the sacred truth that we can absolutely not do this on our own, we find what it is all about.

We see meaning in the suffering, the pain and the heartache.

We see that we were never really meant to be here long and that our souls were not created for this world.

And then everything looks different.

The brokenness in our hearts reminds us of our humanity, of what we can do when we stop trying on our own.

When we lean on a strength and a love that is beyond us life starts to bloom up from the muck.

We get back to that place where life is beautiful and dangerous and hope filled again.

We get a little closer to heaven right here.

It doesn't mean life stops being hard or the ones we love stop getting hurt, it just means now we don't have to do this ourselves anymore, it's not all on our shoulders and we have nothing to prove.

It means in our ashes, in our most broken down place hope springs forth and we keep fighting the good fight, keep hoping for that day when all things will be made right. 

Because it is coming, sweet friend.

Beauty from the ashes.

{Life RIght Now}

It has been awhile since I have done an update, so I thought I would share a little about our life {right now}.

Judah is just over 3.5 years old already {tears}. He is becoming such a sweet little man. He still has his vibrant, joyful spirit and we are all learning how to embrace it a little more every day. He has an insane vocabulary and really seems to grasp concepts far beyond his years. We love to just listen to him share his thoughts and have a peek into his heart. I started to do preschool at home with him this fall because he is SO ready and just eager to learn. I found a great Christian based preschool program online that we are following, along with some of my own ideas. So far it is going really well, but it is a tricky balance with the twins being the super active toddlers that they are. Nap time is usually our only opportunity to tackle school stuff. Judah is such a social little guy too. He just LOVES to be with people. I have a hard time keeping him off the neighbor's porches :) We are so blessed to call this sweet boy our son. He teaches us so much.

{again, with the fuzzy iPad pics, but something better than nothing ;) }

{Big Bro}

Ryder & Will are 19 {almost 20 months} and ON.THE.MOVE! They are just little busy bees, soaking up everything they can {especially from their big bro}. While they are in very similar stages in a lot of ways, they are also extremely different.

 Ryder is very attached to me {FINALLY, a mama's guy!}, loves to snuggle, cautious about new experiences, passionate about what he wants/ doesn't want, LOVES kitties {not sure how he developed this affection because Andrew and I are anything but cat people!}, He is obsessed with all things Elmo, loves to just sit on his little frog potty and say "poo-poo!" and takes any opportunity he can to be outside {and get on Judah's bike}. He certainly is a blessing to our family.

{Ry may have taste tested the dirt...}

 Will is a pretty independent guy. He is our "wise old soul"- he just always has this intense, knowing look on his face, it cracks us up. He has a very complex vocabulary for his age and seems to really understand a lot more than we probably know. He loves books and will sit for a good 45 minutes just paging through his favorites. He is also very very opinionated about what he wants, which I think just comes with the toddler territory ;) He loves to putter around with little tiny toys and examine the smallest details of things. We just love this little bug to pieces.

{Will, showing off his sweet smile}

 Andrew is in the midst of grad school and working full time insanity. It's nuts. He is pretty much exhausted from the moment he wakes up until he eventually makes it to bed at night. Given all that he has on his plate he does SO much to take care of us all when he is home. We miss him a lot during the week and are really looking forward to this last semester being over! We are so proud of him!

{Andrew & Judah, Best Buddies}

 And me, I am in full blown mom mode 24/7. I give all the single moms out there SO much credit. It.Is.TOUGH. I have not had much time for anything outside of the kids and house stuff, so getting back into blogging is really a great outlet for me. I have met a few amazing moms in town recently, so it is has been great to build a little community of friends that are close by.

{Me and my 3 boys}

Life is good, crazy busy and stressful at times, but so so good.

{Getting There}

Up ahead he was running, pointing and yelling out "directions" from his "map."

"And when you see the struction' workers go THAT way. Then when that lady RIGHT THERE moves out of my way we can go dis way."

The park was maybe a 10 minute walk from our house, but we had been trying to get there for almost 30 minutes now and I was getting frustrated more and more by my little "guide".

Before we left he had made a "map" to get to the park, a mess of colored scribbles, which he said would get us there the "best" way. In that moment his ambition and creativity pulled on my heart...but 30 minutes into our adventure I was getting hot, sweaty and impatient to get to our destination.

"STOP!" he yelled, putting his chubby little arm up, bringing our giant double stroller to a screeching halt, screeching twin babies and all.

"Ok, Judah, we just need to walk faster. Can we keep moving?" I pleaded, trying not to show how frustrated I was getting.

But he saw through it and he was not happy.

"Mama. Right now we are getting there. Right now we gotta find the wood-packer. That's my favorite bird kind. When we find him, then we will go."

Ok, I thought, if I am waiting for a "wood-packer" to show up, we are never getting there.

And just as quickly as that thought crossed my mind, the invisible "wood-packer" flew in and landed on Judah's arm and we were on our way again.

Why do I doubt the infinite wisdom and imagination of the 3 year old? :)

Again, 30 seconds later, he was stopped and getting down on the sidewalk to look hopefully up into the cloudy grey sky. Now, we were waiting for the sunshine to come out to keep moving.

"Mama, you gotta sit wif me and look for the sun. When it comes then we will go over that way, by the mailman truck, that is the most faster way to the park." He smiled.

His smile was too sweet to pass up, so I found myself on my back staring hopefully into a grey sea of clouds, praying for a glimpse of the sun so we could be on our way.

Judah looked over at me and reassured me it was coming, it maybe was just going potty.

The babies squealed from the stroller, they always seemed to find their big brother's antics amusing.

I realized in that moment that I was so thankful that Ryder and Will had such a passionate big brother to guide them on this journey and more importantly through the real journey of this life.

He understood it was the journey that mattered, it made the getting there all the sweeter.

And when the sun finally did come back from it's potty break, so did my attitude.

I peeled myself up off the sidewalk, knowing these days of my journey would be over before I knew it. So, I followed my "guide" and we made it to the park in just under an hour.

It may have been the longest route, the slowest and pokiest way I have ever gone, but I saw more detail along the way that I had sped past so many other times along the same route.

I saw the "nice grandma planting flowers" who smiled warmly as we passed, "the crunchy grass" sweet with the smell of summer, "the giant fuzzy monster"/ adorable lab puppy handing out free kisses.

I saw myself, pressing through my days lately with the "end" in sight, motivated by a night of sleep or a long weekend. I saw myself missing out on the moments as they came, brushing them off as I sped through this draining and sometimes monotonous season of my life.

The sweetness and innocent perspective of my 3 year old son had once again pulled me back to reality, to the reality that this journey is good and these moments are what matters. The destination is good, but it will never be as beautiful as it could be without investing right here and now along this journey, moment by moment.

And, let me tell you, as that park came up over the hilltop it had never looked more glorious and that creaky old park bench had never felt better.

So, today friends, stop looking ahead and look right where you are....it is so so good.

Enjoy the journey, we'll get there soon enough :)

{i can do hard things}

Today was one of those days that sucks the life out of you.

One of those days where all your plans sizzle in a pile of ashes.

One of those days where you choose to have faith or not.

One of those days where you realize you are not in control.


Over the last two years of plan crushing moments I have let the eb and flow of life take me under, let fear be my life's theme. There have been moments where my head bobs above the water and I see clearly the blessings in dark waters, but many times I let the "what if's" steal my joy and take me back under.

Life is stressful. That's a fact for all of us. But, for me it has been so saturated in fear, worry and regrets much of the time...and that is not truly living, it is surviving.

Daily, I try not to conform to what the rest of the world says are good things, what are the things to live for and strive for---but, somehow I keep putting my hope in them...and I keep getting disappointed.

Hope in my bank account.

Hope in accomplishments.

Hope in good works.

Hope in "the next best thing".

Hope in nothing.

Again, we had our hopes tangled up in what looked best to us, what would make life easier or better. We were so sure that maybe this time our blessing would come. Maybe just this once things could go our way, be easier.

But, the answer came like a dagger : NO.

Our plans are not always God's plans and sometimes that reality just stings.

Right now I look ahead and I don't see how anything could possibly work out. The water is threatening to fill my lungs, fear beckons at my heart again like a long lost friend.

And yet, there is another voice, one much gentler and steadier reminding me "you can do hard things."

oh, the sweetness of truth.

My immediate jerk reaction is to say no, no I can't! I am weak. I am a failure. I'm not strong enough.

But, as I stop and reflect over all of the "plan crushing" that has occurred over the last few years I see a trend of overcoming, of growing, of learning more and more where my true hope and joy lie.

And then I remember that nothing beautiful or good or life giving ever comes easy, or the way we want or plan it to. Never.

Good stories never come without trial.

Good stories never come without pain.

Good stories don't come without sacrifice.

Good stories don't come from a life given over to fear.

So, today I am going to stop letting this theme of fear guide me and swim in the opposite direction where I know there will be dry land, where I know there will be hope.

Today I am going to choose joy in the midst of disappointment.

Today I am going move forward, letting my life & plans slip through my hands like the dust that they are.

Today, I am going to remember the voice telling me I can do hard things.

Today I am going to see that my blessings have never come in the way I thought they would.

{My Life's Theme}

Last month we invited a group of close friends to join us in going through Donald Miller's Storyline process.

{from the Storyline blog at Storylineblog.com}

Storyline takes you through a process of examining your life as a story. It is "based on the formula screenwriters and novelists use to create stories." The whole process is broken up into 8 sections, helping you examine your story thus far and chart out what's ahead.

It is about living a better story, using your positive and negative experiences to see that they have all been building you up for something greater, for a greater role in the overall story of God.

From Storyline, "We believe your story was a blank page given to you by God and to write a great story on that page is a noble pursuit and a gift to the world."

What a beautiful way to look at life, as a a story. When I heard about Storyline I knew it was something I had to do and had to share with others, because if we were all living in the knowledge that our life is a story and a story that really matters, how different would the world be?

Last night our group got together and started the Storyline Process. It is supposed to be an 8 week format when done in a small group, but because we all have crazy busy lives {and who doesn't?!} we are stretching it out over more like 4 months.

The first section is all about what has your story been so far? What have been the major turning points in your life? How have these things shaped you and how can the negative points be redeemed for something greater?

Because I am facilitating the group I had already gone through the first part and started mapping out my life up until now. It was really sobering, to see your whole life just out there, all the hurts and all the joys mingling together in a familiar pattern of ups and downs.

The hardest part for me? Realizing my life's theme.

It is one thing to know you have deep struggles and then push them aside for another day, but it is completely painful to set it all out and know that it has been too long that this one thing {or more} has had too much control over your story.

For me, that thing is fear.

As I looked back over the positive and negative turns of my life scratched out in pencil across the page a lump formed in my throat.

How much time have I spent fearing?

They won't accept me.

Everyone I love will die.

I have nothing to offer.

There is no hope for me.

I can not measure up to God's standards.

I am not strong enough.

I can't do it.

What will they think of me?

Everything is out of my hands...

Anxiety. Depression. Loneliness...all products of a fear deep in my heart for so many years.

Even as a little girl I can remember that deep fear taking root in my little heart. And over the years it has grown and grown and grown. Don't get me wrong, there have been many good things and positive turns in my life, but I just can't shake this theme of fear that has dominated my story for so long.

As I sit here today, on this gloomy, cold and rainy Monday afternoon I am overcome with something unfamiliar, something greater than fear.....hope.

Hope that my story is not done yet, hope that all these years of fearfulness can be redeemed for something greater.

As I was reading my Bible and praying for a fresh start and a new perspective I stumbled upon Lamentations 5: {Taken from The Message, italics mine}

"We're nothing but slaves to sin, to fear, to darkness...
We sold ourselves...
The joy is gone from our hearts...
Oh, that we never sinned or fell victim to fear
We are heartsick because of this..
BUT, You are sovereign still,
Give us a fresh start!"

Words that could have been straight from my heart....and words that promise hope because God is sovereign, He has complete authority over the good and bad. He can and will redeem us from the darkness and struggles.

Join me. Find your story, find a fresh start and a new perspective on this journey of life, a story that you only have one chance to write.

The great thing about Storyline is it is for everyone. Even if you don't believe there is a God, you probably believe that life is about something more than just you. I highly encourage everyone to look into it and follow me along here on my blog as I go through the process. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or would like help getting started or going through the process yourself.

One Year

One year ago today began one of the toughest challenges of my life. As I look back and reflect on it I see so much of myself has died. When I say that, what I mean is so much of the ugliness and selfishness in my heart has died, things that before this past year were so  prominent.

As a mother, I have seen what it means to truly lay down my life for another. It comes with the territory. To be an intentional, loving, kind and patient mother you have to give up your "old" self for a    new one, one that puts your children before you always.

It's not easy. I began to see this with Judah, but with the twins it overtook me. I had no choice, I had no time to stop and think about me. The life of a mother is a life of service.

Although it may seem, from the outside to be not a joyful thing, I truly count it as joy. This last  year of intense loneliness, struggle to make it through the day, wondering how I could ever make it a year nursing twins, caring for 3 kids 2 and under was the most intense suffering I have ever known. But, through it I have come to know and understand God so deeply.

Jesus came to serve and give his life. To live a life that is fully in service to others, to my children, has brought me to a closer understanding of Christ. To daily lay down my life for my kids becomes easier when I think of how Christ lay down His life for me. To die to myself daily and in some small way experience the death of Jesus is life altering.

"Every day we experience something of the death of Jesus, so we also may show the power of Jesus."
-2Cor 4:10

Without God, without the example of Jesus in my life this year would have been for loss. But, in my struggle, in my darkest moments I found joy.

When I found out we would be having twins, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I wondered why God would think I could handle this, me a perpetual worrier, so unsure of who I was and what I could accomplish. Now, I see. Now I know that God gave me a gift so amazing and beautiful that I could never comprehend how much it has changed my life, I can only see a small bit of the bigger picture, but even that is so much more than I ever imagined.

Ryder & Will & Judah, you are my sweet ones. You have brought so much joy, so much love to my life. Your little lives have changed me to my very core. You have shown me so much of who I am and who God made me to be. I love you to the depths of my soul. You are my treasures.

"Every opportunity and event of our lives provides the chance to learn the deepest lesson anyone can learn on Earth, 'My present life is not that of the old "I", but the living Christ within me."
-Elisabeth Elliot

Motherhood & Loneliness

With the holidays over and things a little {less} crazy around here I have been feeling lonely.

Loneliness, it is one of things that I never expected to come along with motherhood. I mean, I am ALWAYS with someone {albeit mostly people age 2 and under}. But, I just always feel alone to some extent.

I have been thinking about it a lot, reading blogs of other mothers & picking up books on this "struggle" of motherhood.

I just never imagined it to be so hard.

I have twins, yes. I have a 2 year old. But, this struggle I feel seems so universal among mothers who have 1, 2, 3 or 6 kids. My life is hard as a mother, but my struggle is the same. So many times I have thought it would be easier if I had only 1 kid or atleast not twins....but, I know it is not true, it is not my kids or your kids or how many we have, but it is simply the daunting day to day reality of simply be a  mom.

I have always wanted to be a mom. I know there are women out there who have dreamed of it their whole lives and then there are some who it happened to unexpectedly. But, I feel like no matter how you happened into being a mom, you just never really can be prepared for what the reality of this title means.

I feel like I am stumbling through this daily learning process, wondering why all the visions and ideas I had about being a mom seem so....distant & so hard to make a reality.

And in the midst of all this wondering about who you are as a mom, you wonder, who am I....who am I outside of being a mom?

We need help. We need each other. There is so much comparison, so much time spent feeling like you just can't get it "right."

I wish there was more support among moms for one another, especially the older generation for the younger. One thing I know I want to do when I have made it through these difficult days of my children being little, is to reach out and support moms who are where I am now.

We live such "connected" lives on Facebook and other social media, but we have never been more disconnected.

Fellow moms, lets be there for each other in our {real} lives. Reach out to another mom because she is probably feeling as lonely as you are. If your kids are older or even out of the house, reach out to a young/new mom, she needs you more than you know.

Being a mom can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be. No one can quite understand you like another mom. We need each other!


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When I heard about this spa weekend away of mentoring and fun from Sally Clarkson & Sarah Mae, I knew I had to try and win this getaway...I need it SO bad! If you know how I feel and would like to join me, let me know, because I can take one friend along if I win! :) I don't have an experienced mom who has reached out to me (and stayed there for me), so this really pulls at my heart.

http://desperatemom.com/spamentoring-weekend-with-sally-clarkson-sarah-mae/

{the days move on}

The days seem to be slipping away faster and faster,

I'm sure you can relate ;)

Ryder & Will are closing in on their first year and it is bringing on

so many emotions...

trying to savor their last days as babies

looking forward to their {ever} growing independence

looking forward to sleeping again {hopefully}

missing those snuggly newborn days already

loving every little moment of discovery

wanting to pull them in and keep them small awhile longer

Being a mom is so bittersweet. It is such a joy to see your babies grow and learn and become

their own, but it breaks your heart all at the same time to see them slowly need you

less and less. I just love my boys so much.

Judah, oh Judah.

Never has there been such a passionate, life loving, joy seeking little boy. You truly

live up to the meaning of your name, "Praise"---you are such a JOY!

There are many moments of feisty toddler rebellion, but so many more of sweet

moments that you just long to LEARN and soak up life's every opportunity! We are so 

blessed to call you our son and your brothers have such a great example to lead them. We love you 

for exactly who you are and who you will become in the years ahead.

Having 3 little ones has changed our perspectives, our goals,

what we hold most dear. Isn't it funny how you have you whole life

planned out and then these little people come along and none of it makes 

sense anymore? For us, it has been a process of finding out who we are as individuals,

 but before that who are as a family. Every day we get a little closer. God is so

good and so gracious with us.

There are some big changes on the horizon, some we never considered before

but we are so excited for the next big adventure {God Willing} in the new

year. I can't wait to share what it is.

Oh, these days are so sweet and so precious. They move on and on and on

 and one day I will wake up and they will be gone. I have been thinking

so much about that lately...what will it be like when I look back

on all my days as an old woman? Will I be happy with how I lived my life,

will I look back and know I cherished all these sweet, crazy days? I so hope I do.

Thank you, Lord, for this life and these sweet boys and my incredible husband. It has been 

one of the toughest years of my life, but one that has grown and taught me

so much. I can not wait to see our boys grow and learn and love. I pray our family would

only grow closer to You and love so deeply those around us. Thank you for this year, for all

these sleepless nights and long days, for every moment that has stretched me and grown me

in ways I otherwise never would have. I am so thankful for a God who knows my every need.

The days move on, don't let them slip by with out fully living in every messy moment :) Here's to a great year ahead, 2013.

{Hope}

As we celebrated our {first Thanksgiving} holiday in our {first} house I was overwhelmed with Thankfulness....

Thankful to have a house of our own,

Thankful for a safe, beautiful place to raise our family,

Thankful for a husband who loves me & sees my heart & who I was made to be,

Thankful for 3 sweet boys we are so blessed to call our sons,

Thankful for our parents who love & support us,

Thankful for friends that encourage us & love us as family,

Thankful that all our basic needs are met every month without fail,

Thankful for the opportunities and talents God has blessed us with,

Thankful for this beautiful life in all it's craziness, stress, messiness and failures.

And so very thankful for a God who loves us so deeply and gives us HOPE for our days ahead.


I am so so excited to now celebrate our first Christmas in our house...to start some more of our own traditions and teach our children what this season is all about.

Before we had children we knew we would not do Santa with them. I do not believe that Santa is a bad guy or that he represents anything bad, but I do not believe he represents Christmas. We want to raise our kids knowing the true meaning of Christmas, to celebrate the Hope that was born into this world, to understand that this is a time to remember the greatest gift ever given, Jesus.

Our children have been born into a world where we are all searching for hope and security. We are searching in all the wrong places...a perfect job, a perfect home, a large bank account, the right president, drugs or relationships...whatever it may be. Our hope is not found in any of these empty pursuits. The beautiful thing? Hope IS here. Hope arrived thousands of years ago in the form of a little baby born in a stable. The very first gift on the very first Christmas.

That hope came when our world was not perfect and it continues to come into our now not so perfect lives. It comes into our messy lives and brings life, security, love....anything and everything we are looking to fulfill.

I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of his Son on that night so long ago and I am so excited to teach our kids what it is all about.

I pray this season is filled with wonder in a God who loves us so deeply and that it is celebrated joyfully in remembrance of the gift that Jesus truly is.

{Snapshots}

I thought I would share a few "snapshots" of our days from the past few weeks. I have been really slacking on going through & editing our family photos {and sharing them} for a long time now....pretty sure I still have everything from last Christmas to go through and beyond. As soon as my editing load for clients slows down I will get back to our family pictures and catch up from the past 9 months or so :) I just quickly went through and grabbed a few photos that highlight the boy's personalities...as well as a couple of them with their grandma & grandpa W. Enjoy :)

{Judah during a rare moment of quite time}

{Thats more like it!}

{Our little wild man}

{Toddler attitude}

{Ryder & his big green, sparkly eyes}

{Ryder waiting for some breakfast!}

{Our sweet little bud, Ry Guy}

{Will is such a charmer}

{Will loves to look out the window}

{This guy could play play play all day}

{practicing sharing <3}

{Little hands getting in trouble. All. Day. Long.}

{If you got it, I want it}

{Grandma Kathy is a rockstar}

{Grandpa Kriss & Ryder}

{Caught these two both looking at the camera on family picture day :) }

{All 3 sleeping after a car ride home...maybe we should do this every night at bedtime?!}

{Autumn Days}

We have been blessed with an amazingly beautiful Autumn this year. The colors have been so vibrant and the weather has been perfect. We have been soaking up every minute we can outside with the kids.

Our days have been spent taking long walks around our neighborhood; 

admiring the beautiful old homes, 

watching silly squirrels running up ancient oak trees, 

stoping to talk to sweet elderly grandmas & grandpas we pass by,

kicking up piles of leaves on the sidewalks,

window shopping on Main Street,

taking turns pushing the stroller,

teaching Judah to ride his new balance bike,

giggling at chipmunks with cheeks full of acorns,

stopping at the library for a new book or two,

visiting our favorite park at the top of the hill,

grabbing a salted caramel hot cocoa at Real Coffee,

visiting the thrift store around the corner to search for treasures,

meeting new friends at play group,

eating lunch by the lake and 

making plans to have a campfire in one of the old stone fireplaces,

& just enjoying these beautiful fall days as they quickly pass us by.

The babies are changing so quickly & are really growing into their own little personalities. It is so sweet to watch. 

Ryder is such a snuggler. There is nothing he loves more on a chilly fall morning than to snuggle into the crook of my neck and just sit with me as I enjoy my morning coffee. He is such a little love. He is cautious and prefers to take the world in from the safety of my arms. He loves to watch his big brother spin around the room and be goofy, I know he would be happy to watch & giggle at Judah all day long. His big green eyes can melt your heart and make you drop everything you are doing just to pick him up and kiss his squishy little cheeks. He is definitely a mama's guy & I have to admit I am loving it! 

Will is our little adventurer. He loves to explore every corner of whatever room he happens to be in. you can guarantee that he will find the tiniest little object in the room & once he does he will turn it over in his hands for half an hour just inspecting it quietly. He is such a content little guy, always smiling and so patient. He is happy to wait his "turn" when his brothers are both screaming and needing something. He has the absolute sweetest smile and laugh in the world & is the most ticklish little guy I have ever met...ticking him will result in uncontrollable baby giggles that are pee your pants cute. This guys is such a little sweetheart.

Judah, oh Judah Jay. Our little comedian. He is such a little sponge, soaking up absolutely every thing Andrew & I do and say. It is funny how you never realize the phrases or words you use so often until you have a 2.5 year old to record your every word & repeat. It can really be a reality check for your attitude and how you respond to certain situations. He is incredibly smart and witty, it amazes us the things he comes up with! He has been working on his ABC's, counting, colors & reading every day, he just loves to learn. He has so much passion for life and takes on every day with so much gusto and enthusiasm. He loves to help us with whatever we are doing and wants to do his best to make us proud (and he truly does make us so proud!) He just loves his baby brothers so much and it is amazing to watch their relationship grow, they are going to be the best of buddies!

There are so many new things happening daily and so many dreams in our hearts for the days ahead....what a beautiful, crazy time of life it is! We are so thankful for this life we have be blessed with & the sweet little boys we get to teach & learn from daily.

{a new season}

One of the things i love most about living in Wisconsin is the beautiful changing of the seasons that we are so blessed to experience here.

I know I am not alone in this, but fall is my absolute favorite time of the year! This year is especially significant for me because it is a major shift in both seasons of life and seasons of the year.

I am so ready for a new season! 

A season of beautiful, vibrant colors.

A season of SLEEPING babies :)

A season of crisp, cool weather.

A season of learning what it means to

be a mom of three.

A season of crackling backyard campfires.

A season of family.

A season of Sunday football games.

A season of dreaming for our future.

A season of canning our summer garden's bounty.

A season of learning to lean on God more and more.

A season of warm, fuzzy sweaters.

A season of change in so many ways.

The past three seasons have felt like one long winter in my soul. Since the birth of our two little bugs we have been hibernating in a way. Finally, it seems that there is an end to this season of newborn babies, sleepless nights & toddler tantrums. All 3 of the kids are growing and learning so much every day. It is amazing to see them transform into such sweet, intelligent, loving individuals. And as they grow and become more independent I am once again able to unsurface "me." What were my hobbies again? :) Ah, the ever evolving life of a mother!

Judah and I have enjoyed doing little daily art projects together over the past week & I hope it is something we can continue to do together. He just loves to get hands on & creative!

Here is a project we did this week:

(sorry for the poor ipad quailty photo, but hopefully you can see it enough to appreciate Judah's 

paintbrush skills!)

We used scrapbook letters and wrote out a bible verse that has been a favorite at our house over the past few months. Then Judah painted over the letters. We waited for the paint to dry & peeled the letters off and got a really neat effect. {I saw a version of this on Pinterest awhile back}

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper & not harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Such beautiful words. They have carried us through the past few months & continue to give us hope for the many beautiful days the Lord has laid out for us in the seasons, months & years to come.

{time moves steady along}

somehow over a month has passed since my last post. 2 or 3 posts were started during that time, but never finished {sigh}.

the last 4 weeks have brought a lot of challenges, but also a lot of *victories*--namely, the giving up of the beloved binky (pacifier) and a fully potty trained 2 year old!!!

also, somewhere in there i got older. {officially old}

it wasn't so much the birthday or the age {27}, but the extreme lack of sleep over the past 7...er 16 months if you count the pregnancy...that has really worn on me.

the boys have been sleeping horribly. mr will has decided napping just isn't his thing & ryder enjoys sleeping in spurts of 45 minutes from the hours of 10pm-6am.

we never had these kind of sleep problems with the j-man, he slept solid through the night from 6 weeks old. so, i am kind of a rookie at this sleep deprivation. and let me tell you, it.is.a.beast.

enough complaining though, outside of that, huge little issue, we have been doing pretty well!

judah is no longer a binky addict!!! the "i need my binky NOW" meltdowns were getting to be a little bit too much around here, so on Monday we decided the bink had to go. we took judah, binky & both babies to build-a-bear where he chose a camo bear & decked it out in packer gear---and when it was time to stuff the bear, binky was stuffed inside the bear's hand and forever sewn in. GONE. he has been doing surprisingly well sans bink & only threatened to "rip" the bear one time in a heated bed time battle, to get his binky out :)

with the bink gone, judah had a total life revelation---he was officially a BIG BOY!!! from the day we got rid of binky he started to use the potty all on his own with zero accidents. we never prompted or tried to push potty training in the wake of 'goodbye bink' because we thought it would just be too much...but our big guy surprised us and went big boy all the way!!!

lots of little-big victories around these parts.

with all the challenges that come with parenting i am so thankful to have andrew by my side through it all. he is an incredible dad. judah adores him and andrew knows exactly how to encourage and support him through all of his struggles--it is such a sweet thing to see. whatever andrew does, judah does. they are two peas in a pod.

speaking of my wonderful husband, i was also blessed to celebrate FIVE years with him on august 10th. WOW. it is so hard to believe that 5 years have come and gone. they have been 5 of the best years of my life...full of so many surprises & challenges. we have grown and learned so much together. there could never be such a perfect match for me...god really knew what he was doing when he blessed me with this man! i can't wait to see what the next 5...10..20...60 years bring ;)

and, well, that sums up the last month pretty well.

i have so many thoughts and ideas for posts & i hope i can get them all out soon! in the meantime, god bless & enjoy these last sweet days of summer!

{exhaustion}

around here...

we. are. EXHAUSTED.

sleep comes in increments of no more than 2 hours

tantrums come in increments of 15 minutes

never in our lives have we been more tired

and it is really starting to catch up with us

the babies are going to be 6 months old in a few weeks 

i really thought we would be doing better by this time

but, with the lack of sleep, things are 

pretty shabby around here.

...

::on a good day::

the babies wake up to nurse at the same time(s):

3am & 5am instead of every other hour

through the night.

judah sleeps in his own bed until 5am

we all get to sleep until 7am

judah gets dressed

andrew or i gets to take a shower

judah does not escape from the house

we eat

andrew & i get some work done

andrew & i have a conversation

{unrelated to kids}

everyone {under 2} is in bed before 10pm

...

on most days none of those things happen :)

...

most days andrew and i look at each other from across the room

and say, "are you freakin' kidding me?"

 this whole experience has definitely brought us closer together

raising 3 under 3 is the hardest thing we have ever done

and we are doing it together.

if we all come out of this year alive, it will

be one of the greatest achievements of our lives.

no lie.

for all the other parents of twins out there:

I. LOVE. YOU.

&

someday we will all look back on

this time and smile...and

probably laugh

.hysterically.

and now i am going to try & steal some sleep.

goodnight!