As a mother, I have seen what it means to truly lay down my life for another. It comes with the territory. To be an intentional, loving, kind and patient mother you have to give up your "old" self for a new one, one that puts your children before you always.
It's not easy. I began to see this with Judah, but with the twins it overtook me. I had no choice, I had no time to stop and think about me. The life of a mother is a life of service.
Although it may seem, from the outside to be not a joyful thing, I truly count it as joy. This last year of intense loneliness, struggle to make it through the day, wondering how I could ever make it a year nursing twins, caring for 3 kids 2 and under was the most intense suffering I have ever known. But, through it I have come to know and understand God so deeply.
Jesus came to serve and give his life. To live a life that is fully in service to others, to my children, has brought me to a closer understanding of Christ. To daily lay down my life for my kids becomes easier when I think of how Christ lay down His life for me. To die to myself daily and in some small way experience the death of Jesus is life altering.
"Every day we experience something of the death of Jesus, so we also may show the power of Jesus."
-2Cor 4:10
Without God, without the example of Jesus in my life this year would have been for loss. But, in my struggle, in my darkest moments I found joy.
When I found out we would be having twins, anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I wondered why God would think I could handle this, me a perpetual worrier, so unsure of who I was and what I could accomplish. Now, I see. Now I know that God gave me a gift so amazing and beautiful that I could never comprehend how much it has changed my life, I can only see a small bit of the bigger picture, but even that is so much more than I ever imagined.
Ryder & Will & Judah, you are my sweet ones. You have brought so much joy, so much love to my life. Your little lives have changed me to my very core. You have shown me so much of who I am and who God made me to be. I love you to the depths of my soul. You are my treasures.
"Every opportunity and event of our lives provides the chance to learn the deepest lesson anyone can learn on Earth, 'My present life is not that of the old "I", but the living Christ within me."
-Elisabeth Elliot
