{Life RIght Now}

It has been awhile since I have done an update, so I thought I would share a little about our life {right now}.

Judah is just over 3.5 years old already {tears}. He is becoming such a sweet little man. He still has his vibrant, joyful spirit and we are all learning how to embrace it a little more every day. He has an insane vocabulary and really seems to grasp concepts far beyond his years. We love to just listen to him share his thoughts and have a peek into his heart. I started to do preschool at home with him this fall because he is SO ready and just eager to learn. I found a great Christian based preschool program online that we are following, along with some of my own ideas. So far it is going really well, but it is a tricky balance with the twins being the super active toddlers that they are. Nap time is usually our only opportunity to tackle school stuff. Judah is such a social little guy too. He just LOVES to be with people. I have a hard time keeping him off the neighbor's porches :) We are so blessed to call this sweet boy our son. He teaches us so much.

{again, with the fuzzy iPad pics, but something better than nothing ;) }

{Big Bro}

Ryder & Will are 19 {almost 20 months} and ON.THE.MOVE! They are just little busy bees, soaking up everything they can {especially from their big bro}. While they are in very similar stages in a lot of ways, they are also extremely different.

 Ryder is very attached to me {FINALLY, a mama's guy!}, loves to snuggle, cautious about new experiences, passionate about what he wants/ doesn't want, LOVES kitties {not sure how he developed this affection because Andrew and I are anything but cat people!}, He is obsessed with all things Elmo, loves to just sit on his little frog potty and say "poo-poo!" and takes any opportunity he can to be outside {and get on Judah's bike}. He certainly is a blessing to our family.

{Ry may have taste tested the dirt...}

 Will is a pretty independent guy. He is our "wise old soul"- he just always has this intense, knowing look on his face, it cracks us up. He has a very complex vocabulary for his age and seems to really understand a lot more than we probably know. He loves books and will sit for a good 45 minutes just paging through his favorites. He is also very very opinionated about what he wants, which I think just comes with the toddler territory ;) He loves to putter around with little tiny toys and examine the smallest details of things. We just love this little bug to pieces.

{Will, showing off his sweet smile}

 Andrew is in the midst of grad school and working full time insanity. It's nuts. He is pretty much exhausted from the moment he wakes up until he eventually makes it to bed at night. Given all that he has on his plate he does SO much to take care of us all when he is home. We miss him a lot during the week and are really looking forward to this last semester being over! We are so proud of him!

{Andrew & Judah, Best Buddies}

 And me, I am in full blown mom mode 24/7. I give all the single moms out there SO much credit. It.Is.TOUGH. I have not had much time for anything outside of the kids and house stuff, so getting back into blogging is really a great outlet for me. I have met a few amazing moms in town recently, so it is has been great to build a little community of friends that are close by.

{Me and my 3 boys}

Life is good, crazy busy and stressful at times, but so so good.

{exhaustion}

around here...

we. are. EXHAUSTED.

sleep comes in increments of no more than 2 hours

tantrums come in increments of 15 minutes

never in our lives have we been more tired

and it is really starting to catch up with us

the babies are going to be 6 months old in a few weeks 

i really thought we would be doing better by this time

but, with the lack of sleep, things are 

pretty shabby around here.

...

::on a good day::

the babies wake up to nurse at the same time(s):

3am & 5am instead of every other hour

through the night.

judah sleeps in his own bed until 5am

we all get to sleep until 7am

judah gets dressed

andrew or i gets to take a shower

judah does not escape from the house

we eat

andrew & i get some work done

andrew & i have a conversation

{unrelated to kids}

everyone {under 2} is in bed before 10pm

...

on most days none of those things happen :)

...

most days andrew and i look at each other from across the room

and say, "are you freakin' kidding me?"

 this whole experience has definitely brought us closer together

raising 3 under 3 is the hardest thing we have ever done

and we are doing it together.

if we all come out of this year alive, it will

be one of the greatest achievements of our lives.

no lie.

for all the other parents of twins out there:

I. LOVE. YOU.

&

someday we will all look back on

this time and smile...and

probably laugh

.hysterically.

and now i am going to try & steal some sleep.

goodnight!

{Babies First Bites}

We started feeding our mini duo some homemade purees this past week

They are still nursing full time, but

have recently started to be  very  interested in 

what everyone else is eating :)

The first thing they tried was some

sweet, ice cold watermelon that Andrew, Judah

and I were enjoying on a hot day.

They LOVED sucking on a piece of it

and lots of screaming resulted when the

piece was taken away.

I got to work making some simple, single

food purees : bananas, carrots, yellow squash

avocado and sweet potatoes

Ryder loves bananas

Will adores carrots

Once they are a little over 6 months I will start

trying some mixes and fun baby food recipes,

which I will share on here for anyone that might

 be starting their own adventure in homemade

baby food making :)

I have been doing lots of research on baby foods and
what are the best,most nutritious choices.

Avocado has been by far the most highly recommended.
Avocados are one of natures perfect foods--
filled with vitamins, minerals and rich in good fats!

Judah had some food allergies early on, so we are being

cautious in what we introduce--holding off on grains

until 9 months of age, as well as any kind of dairy.

When we do introduce grains we will start with Quinoa

{I could go on and on about Quinoa, but I will save it for another day :) }

And now for the cute part of this post---the babies eating

some carrots for the first time:

{Will wondering what I am about to feed them}

 {Trying to decide how he feels about the carrots!} 

{Notice his 1 blue eye & one 1/2 blue 1/2 brown eye!}

{Ryder was very happy with the carrots!}

{Judah had just burst into the room & Ryder was immediately captivated by his big bro's

crazy antics and done eating...}

{these are the days}

These are the days of...

Sleepless nights.

Sweet Snuggles.

An eternally messy house.

Fuzzy baby heads.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Mountains of laundry.

Lots of giggles.

Many tantrums.

Finger painting at 8am.

Missing our freedom.

Being a family.

Being broke.

Being thankful.

Dreaming about our future...


These are days I don't want to forget. These are the days I want to soak up and live in every moment.


I have had the lyrics of a song stuck in my head this week, " this is your life are you who you want to be?" and I have been (in my constant state of grogginess) trying to answer that question.


There are so many days right now that I MISS the simpleness of just Andrew and I. I remember having quite dinners (before 9pm) and being able to spend time with friends and travel whenever we wanted. I also remember how badly I wanted kids. I remember wishing that the day I would become a mama would come quickly, I wished those {just the 2 of us} years away so often.


It is so sad to me that so much our lives is about wanting what we don't have and then looking back and wishing we had what we did  have. I want to truly enjoy my life NOW. I want to be thankful for my sassy toddler and his constant curiosity...and for my two sweet babes who want to be held constantly. I know I will look back on this stage of my life and long for it. When that happens I want to feel confident that I soaked it all in and LIVED in those moments. I know that there are so many ways I can grow and learn in the years to come, but right now I want to be satisfied with who I am and where I am in life.


Maybe most people already realize this, maybe they don't. I can only speak for myself and encourage others to stop and evaluate.


In many ways I am not who I want to be. I get down on myself so often and wish I could be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, ect. All I know for sure though, is that I am where I am supposed to be right now giving it my all.... and that should be enough.


Life is short. We don't know how many days we have left or what the future will bring. So, be who you want to be today. Love your life now.


{these are the days}

{A tale of three wee bums}

I never imagined that we would have 3 in diapers.

Three little booties needing coverage.

But, here we are.

The past 5 months we have changed many a diaper,

25-30 a day to be exact.

That's about 900 diapers a month, yo.

But, thank the heavens, magical things have been happening around here:

Judah has been going sans diaper (other than nap & nighttime) for one week!

and...

I have unburied my stash of cloth diapers for the doubles.

We have gone from 900 disposable diapers to none.

Sweet relief!

I hate disposables.

To me, they are inconvenient, gross, harmful to babies & the environment 

and so dang expensive.

I don't want to debate the pros and cons, but simply share why I love them

and encourage anyone who might be interested in the switch.

I know it is not possible for some people to do cloth & I have

gone through periods of not being able to because of having shared laundry and a landlord 

who would not allow us to wash them...so lame. One of many examples of

peoples misunderstanding of cloth diapers.

But, we have our own washer & dryer now and we are back in business :)

With Judah I was a devoted user of Best Bottoms Diapers--a locally made

brand designed by a Madison mom!

I still love them, but had to increase my "diaper stash" now that 

we have two baby booties to cover.

The stash now includes:

12 Best Bottom Covers

24  BB Hemp inserts

8 Bum Genius AIO (all-in-one)

3 Thirsties AIO

1 Bumpkins AIO

4 GroVia AIO

1 Imagine AIO

24 Organic Indian Prefolds

2 Bumkins Covers

4 Kawaii Covers

2 Imagine Covers

3 Flip Covers

2 Imagine Fitted Bamboo Diapers

We are awaiting most of our stash to still arrive, but are full fledged cloth diapering for one week now.

I will blog later about the different kinds and how they are working for us.

Best Bottoms are GREAT. The only issue I have had is some leaking overnight. So, I have done lots of research and I am going to experiment with some different options.

I made sure to stock up on plenty of All-In-One diapers to make it easier for grandparents or anyone watching the babies to change them. AIO's are just as quick as a disposable. The only disadvantage is that they are a little more expensive and take longer to dry after washing.

I estimated that using cloth for the next 2 years will save us (diapering twins) close to $2000!

Besides the money $aving some other things I love about cloth diapers are:

They are stinking CUTE--they come in

so many colors and patterns!

(photos some day)

It is EASY--these are not your grandma's

cloth diapers! it is just as easy as

slapping on a disposable.

It makes the earth HAPPY :)

(yes, you use water & electricity to wash them,

but I wash COLD and line dry so it is

very minimal. Much gentler on the planet than

a disposable that takes 500 years to decompose).

They are NON-TOXIC--disposables

contain 60+ toxins, including some

known human carcinogens. 

I PROMISE...it is not gross! Not any worse than changing a disposable

and having to smell the stench in the diaper genie for days...and

with either option your going to end up with a little

poo on your hands every know and then :/ yuck.

It is relaxing...maybe it is just me (most likely) but

there is just something about a clean mound

of cloth diapers that need to be folded,

stuffed and put away...

I have more cloth thoughts, but I'll save them for another day :)

{Life: Back on ::a:: track}

It has been over 2 months since I posted.

Life has been crazy, to say the least.

I'd like to say we are "back on track," but...

not so much.

We are on a track.

Which one, I am not sure of, but at least we are all back together again.

A quick review of the past few months:

Moved out of our apartment of two years and a neighborhood that we loved.

The kids and I moved up to Green Bay for the month of May as we waited to close on our house

and Andrew moved in with our friends to finish up the school year in Madison.

It was a very long month apart with many struggles and many many tantrums.

It was especially hard on Judah being away from Andrew, we are still

"recovering" from the stress of that separation.

We spent Mother's Day weekend in Madison. It was great. We stayed at a beautiful hotel in downtown Madison, overlooking the capital or "castle" as Judah calls it.

I photographed a beautiful wedding in Wausau and was apart from the babies for the very first time for more than a few hours. 

On May 31st we closed on our first house.

It has been such a great blessing to have our own home.

We are s-l-o-w-l-y unpacking and trying to find a new routine.

Andrew wrapped up the school year at the beginning of June and said goodbye to a great group of teachers and coworkers at Cherokee.

He has been full fledged farming since. 

And that is the short story :)

I have had SO many thoughts and ideas going through my head lately and wishing I could just get them down. I am excited to be back on my blog and get back to sharing those ideas :)

Here are a few that I am planning for the near future:

**Creating a non-toxic home on a budget**

**homemade baby food**

**updates on the babies and Judah**

**the farm**

**thoughts on faith**

I know most blogs have a "theme" but my brain is too bonkers to focus on one, so I am going to just keep on adding to the beauty with my miss mosh of thoughts, ideas and dreams.

{Losing Sleep}

I am losing sleep.

Not because I am the mom of 11 week old twins.

Not because I have a two year old.

Not because we are moving in 7 days.

Not because I have a million and one things to do.

But, because I am full of JOY and ANTICIPATION for our future.

I have learned SO much over the past four weeks, it is surreal.

There have been many moments of shear chaos.

Moments of anger.

Frustration.

Confusion.

Anxiety

Fear.

Moments when I questioned God's plan.

Moments when I leaned on my own understanding and not God.

Moments when I wanted to give up.

Moments when I lost hope.

But through every one of these moments hope has carried me through.

The hope I have in a God that will never abandon of forsake me.

The hope that He has something more, something better in store for me.

And today, I am so filled with JOY.

So excited to see where the Lord will take me in the months ahead.

I have rarely felt this DEEP trust in God...

I have struggled for so long with just letting go completely...

with letting Him have control fully.

But, slowly He has worked my hard heart into something moldable.

Something useable.

Something I am freely willing to give up.

And it is the absolute BEST feeling I have ever experienced in my life.

And  that is enough to make me lose sleep.

I can't wait to share more about what I have learned and where the Lord is leading me.

{Endurance}

I have heard over and over this past month that,

"God will not give you more than you can handle"

and I have smiled, knowing that this is true...

but at the same time, wondering just HOW much that was.

"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Many times over the last year I have felt that I was being tested beyond my strength,

but the past four weeks have been exceptionally trying.

When we found out we were having twins about 9 months ago I thought I would never be able to do it. I was terrified. I wondered how I would do it, how we would make it. At the time I had no idea, but now 10 weeks into their tiny new lives I find myself overjoyed and loving every minute of it. The rewards have proven to far outweigh the hardships. God has given me an incredible honor in this and has shown me that I CAN endure and overcome and rejoice in my trials!

I have never felt the weight of the world on my shoulders more than I do now.

Between Andrew and I we are,

Raising a 2 year old

Raising 10 week old twins

Starting a farm

Running a photography business

Running a health & wellness business

Working 80 plus hours a week

Buying our first home (with less than 30 days to do it)

Packing, packing, packing

In between all this we are finding time to sometimes: eat dinner, take a shower, and maybe sleep a few hours.

LIFE. IS. CRAZY.

Our strength is waining. Our patience is borderline.

Every day a new challenge seems to creep in

and every day I wonder,

"how much more can we take before we break?!"

But, we are holding on to the knowledge that God WILL NOT give us more than we can take. He WILL lead us out of our troubles & we will come out so much stronger.

I can not wait to look back on this month and see all that we have learned and how much we have grown.

God is good. He is faithful to His promises.

I am so thankful to have a heavenly Father who loves me so.

Because of this I do not fear any trials that may come up ahead....and I know there will be many and all we are experiencing now is giving us strength to someday meet those trails.

My heart overflows as I give thanks for this beautiful, crazy life.

{Ryder & Will: 2 Months}

My little peanuts are 2 months old!

They are both just the sweetest little guys.

So smiley & happy.

Such good little sleepers: 2 days before they turned 2 months they both slept 7 hours through the night! It has been between 6-8 hours now every night since. That is life altering, let me tell ya!

Ryder still likes to have his opinion known & he is LOUD :) But, as soon as you acknowledge his grievance, he is back to being a happy guy. His smiles just melt my heart.

Will is a little more laid back, he just goes with the flow and waits his turn. He will stare into your eyes all day if you let him and give you the sweetest "coos and ooos." I love it.

They are both starting to notice the world around them so much more, they especially love to watch their big brother run around the room 80mph.

At their 2 month check up Ryder weighed in over a pound bigger than Will as I suspected :)

Ryder:

13 lbs

23 inches

Will:

11 lbs 14 ounces

23 inches

I just looked back on Judah's 2 month check up and they both outweigh him!!! Judah was 2 lbs bigger than both of them at birth, but somehow they have beat him by the 2 month mark! He was 11 lbs 9 ounces.

At the appointment the pediatrician noticed Will's eyes crossing. I had noticed it, but was not concerned because my sister had the same issue as a baby and out grew it by 2 yrs old. He literally has the EXACT same eyes as her, it is almost creepy :) I also noticed & told the ped that Will's eyes were different colors, one is very blue and the other half blue half brown. Because of both of these things she wanted to get him into a pediatric optometrist as soon as possible. I was surprised that she thought it was so urgent, but went with her opinion.

After leaving the peds we got a call about 15 mins later that they had gotten Will an appointment with a specialist at the UW children's hospital the next day. It typically takes 6 months to get into this doctor, but his ped was able to sneak him in thankfully.

I brought him to eye doctor for his appointment, still not concerned. But, found out that there are some very real concerns with Will's vision. I left feeling so sad and wishing I could do something to fix it, feeling guilty for not thinking it was anything.

Will was diagnosed with being extremely far sighted. The optometrist said he had not seen a baby this far sighted before and that we needed to keep a very close "eye" on him. He will go back in a few months and will without a doubt need glasses before he is a year old. He believed Will was crossing his eyes because he is having trouble seeing. My poor little bug.

I wanted to cry, but it was just me & Will and I didn't want him to know I was upset. He is just so sweet and has no idea what is going on.

They were also concerned about the difference in his eye color, but said we will also just keep an eye on that. It could just be a genetic thing with the coloring or it can also be a sign of some different diseases--which the doc did not want to discuss until we had more reason to be concerned a few months from now.

Please keep little Will in your prayers.

Pray that his little eyes might just get better on their own.

Pray that the eye coloring is not connected with any kind of disease.

But, for now he is just one happy little guy & I am so thankful for that.

The past two months have been nothing short of crazy, but I have loved every second of these two sweet boy's lives. They are my little treasures.

{Little Update}

I really want to update this blog more often. Almost every day I think of something I want to put on here & every day time escapes me and I just can not get here to do it! Well, this week I am committing to blogging 3 times. I want to make it a priority as it is a great place to record ideas and memories and also to connect with others who might have the same interests!

The past two weeks we have had an incredible amount of help from our families. My mother in-law was here one full week and then my mom came down the next full week. It was amazing. I got to "sleep in" and catch naps here and there that I would not have otherwise. My mom did tons of laundry and kept our place sparkling clean. Andrew's mom got us yummy take out almost every night and kept Judah entertained almost every second of the day. We also had my aunt & uncle & cousins stop in on Sunday and give us a little break--it was glorious! We got to go grocery shopping alone and have lunch alone. We are so very thankful for our wonderful families!

The twinnies are doing amazing, growing like little weeds. FAT little weeds :) Ryder decided to take the beef cake lead and outgrew Will by a full TWO pounds!!! What?! I am serious. He is sporting the double chin and the 5 ring arm rolls. It's pretty impressive. Ryder is a 12 pound rump roast and Lil Will is coming in at 10 pounds. I don't know how this happened, as they both eat the same amount of times every day....I guess Ryder just knows how to turn his portion into fat cells a little more effectively :)

Big bro as as wild and feisty as ever. he can be such a hand full at times, but then a minute later he can be so still and sweet. Gotta love a good, solid two year old. He is talking up a storm and finding out that he has enough vocabulary to tell Andrew and I what to do :)

"Mama, shhh. It's too loud"

"Daddy, come sit. Sit and watch Judah."

"Mama, GET UP!"

"Daddy, go outside. NOW."

"Mama. NO!!!"

"NO, Daddy!"

"NO NO NO NO!!!"

He is too smart. We are in for a lot of trouble ;) But, really he is unbelievably sweet most of the time. He loves to read and will sit for up to 45 minutes and quietly listen. He loves being outside and would skip every meal (and nap) to be out there non-stop. He has an endless curiosity that is so endearing to be around. We just love him to pieces...

Here are a few of his sweeter quotes:

"Oh, Mama. It's Ok." as he gently pats my cheek

"Daddy, you so silly!"

"Mama, my love you."

"Judah want to KISS THE BABY!"

"My happy!"

And that's just my little update of the past few weeks. In the next few days I have some exciting news about our farm!

{One Month}

I can not believe my babies are one month old...such a cliche thing to say, but I really can not wrap my mind around how this could have happened in what feels like overnight.

The days are melting away and there is nothing I can do to slow them down. It feels like we are caught up in a tornado and I am just trying to hold onto all of these little moments.

With Judah I spent every day just cuddling and savoring every minute, but with two babies AND a toddler around I am lucky to stop & hold onto one moment a day. It makes me sad in a way because I can not enjoy each of my babies the way I did Judah, individually. But there really is something so special about having two babies at once....

Twice the chubby cheeks to kiss

Twice the sweet baby smell

Twice the soft baby skin to touch

Twice the little smiles in their sleep

It is overwhelming at times how much cuteness is packed in one place :)

What I want to remember about the first month:

Learning how to carrying two babies at once

Learning how to carry two babies at once while running after a wild toddler

Seeing Andrew cuddling all three boys at once

Judah yelling, "check the baby!" whenever he hears one of them cry

The way it feels to have two sweet babies quietly gazing up at me at 3am

How incredibly tiny and sweet they are

Will's soft lamb-like cry & chin quiver

Ryder's strong, determined cry

Judah telling Andrew which baby is which & Judah being right & Andrew being wrong :)

Ryder rolling over at TWO weeks old

Will sleeping 23 hours of the day

Judah telling me, "good job mama!" when I feed the babies

Judah watching WAY too many movies

Building train tracks while nursing

Our first time taking all three kids on a road trip (to visit great grandma)

Snowy days trapped inside with my sweet family

Andrew cooking delicious meals at 9pm when we finally had time to eat :)

Changing diapers 40 times a day with my eyes closed

Midnight tinkles & many outfit changes

Loads and loads and loads of laundry

The sweet sound of the babies' gentle breathing in their sleep

Keeping track of every feeding & diaper changing on the iPad

Pizza for dinner 5 nights a week

Doing everything one handed, all the time & getting really good at it :)

Judah tickling the babies' toes

Judah licking the babies' faces and saying, "oh gross," but doing again anyway

Late nights with Andrew, both so tired we can barely talk, but smiling

Andrew never hearing the babies cry at night

Andrew getting up EVERY time to help me in the middle of the night

Being so thankful for a wonderful husband & father

Being so blessed

Both boys are about 8 lbs and 20.5 inches long

They JUST started wearing 0-3 month clothes, but can still squeeze into some newborn

Even though we rarely go anywhere I dress them up every day

Ryder has blue eyes and auburn hair

Will has one brown eye & one blue eye and his hair is dark brown

They look nothing alike.

Will has his great grandma Carol & Aunt Heidi's eyes

Ryder looks so much like his big brother Judah

Both boys have so much of Andrew in them--his hands, his toes, his smile

Will has my nose and Ryder my hair color

They are so precious, so themselves.

I took a bunch of one month pictures, I will post some soon :)

We have received so much support and love this first month...

My sister spent the first two, difficult weeks with us

I don't know how we would have survived with out her!

So many sweet friends came to entertain Judah and hold a crying baby

We have received MANY diapers, special thanks to my sweet parents!

Pizzas were homemade, ordered & baked for us

Neighbors dropped off sweet gifts & took Judah for play dates

Friends volunteered to have Judah play at their house

Others took him on fun trips like the zoo or the children's museum

My parents sent us on a much needed Valentine's dinner

Andrew's parents bought us amazing concert tickets for a great date night

So many sweet cards and gifts were sent

So many prayers on our behalf

Without all of this our first month would not have been so smooth

We made it

We survived our first month with twins and LOVED it!

We look forward to many more and give thanks for all the wonderful people who have been by our side, supporting and loving our little family.

WE LOVE YOU ALL!

{Noble Warriors}

We had a really hard time deciding on names for the boys.

With Judah, it was really easy. We both loved the name and had decided on it before we knew whether or not we were having a girl or a boy. If it was a boy, with out a doubt it would be Judah.

And the name fit him perfectly.

Judah means "praise"--and our little guy is so full of joy and life & he just loves to experience life to the fullest, he fits it to a tee.

This time we had a whole long list of girl names and just a few boy names that we kind of liked. We were sure it was a A girl...as in ONE, just one little girl.

We were so wrong :)

When we found out we were actually going to be having TWO babies, we still assumed that there had to be one girl in there...

So, we got to work on choosing two names.

Two girls names? No problem.

A boy & a girl's names? Not too difficult.

TWO boys names? We could not decide.

SO, when we found out we were having TWO boys...we were at a loss for quite a while as to what we would name these two little babes.

We knew we wanted to name one after my family and one after Andrew's.

We kind of tossed some name combos around for awhile. We really did not want them to sound "twinny"--no matchy matchy names, nothing that started with the same letter.

Then we found two that we both could agree on, but we were not completely sure if they were "the ones" :

Ryder Elwood & Will Albert

Ryder was a name that Andrew came up with & I liked it more than any of his other suggestions :) Elwood was Andrew's paternal grandfather's middle name. Will was something we came up with after struggling to find a way to name one of the babies after my dad. My maiden name was Williquette & my dad has always gone by "Willy" as a sort of nickname. So, we decided that Will would be the perfect way to honor my dad :) And Albert was my very special grandpa.

We had not looked into name meanings much in our quest to find the perfect name for our boys, so just out of curiosity we decided to see what the meanings of the first and middle names we had picked out were...were were shocked at what we found!

RYDER- warrior on horseback

ELWOOD- noble forest

WILL- strong-willed warrior

ALBERT- noble & bright

We couldn't believe it. It was then that we knew these were the perfect names for our sweet boys. Our two little noble warriors :)

{And then there were 5}

Wednesday 2.1.12--the day we went from parents of 1 to parents of 3 :)

We could not have hoped for a better experience. My doctor has said over and over that she has never had a twin delivery go so smoothly. We are so thankful for this after a LONG and difficult pregnancy.

This is Will & Rdyer's birth story :)

On Wednesday (2.1.12) morning I called triage and quickly got the SAME response I had gotten the Saturday before..."we are full right now, call back at 9am and we should be able to get you in this afternoon."

I had just gotten out of the shower, dried my hair was READY to head over to the hospital. The bags were all ready (AGAIN) and I was not about to be told I had to wait another day!

I had just told Andrew the news and was holding back tears when my phone rang. It was triage calling back, less than 5 minutes later. They "suddenly" had room for me and told me to come in at 7am. I later found out that my doctor had called in right after me and found out they were not taking me. She was NOT happy! Love my doctor. LOVE.

As we left the house to head for the hospital we snapped one last picture of us as a family of 3. I started to tear up as we said goodbye to Judah. I was so worried about how everything would affect him. Would he still know how much we love him?! Would he know it would never change?

We showed up at 7am sharp and were escorted to one of the beautiful new birthing suites. We just kind of hung out with our nurse for an hour or so, answering lots of ridiculous questions. Then at 8:30 my doctor strolled in to give the go ahead to start my antibiotics (I found out I was step B positive). I had to have 4 hours of antibiotics in before they could break my water. I was already 5cm with stronger contractions, so they were hoping I could make it the 4 hours.

The morning was pretty uneventful. Judah came up and hung out with us a few hours. He was pretty scared of the big hospital room and seeing me in the hospital bed. He quickly warmed up when the nurses started talking to him & gave him a big brother sticker :)

At around 1, when the antibiotics had finally gone through one round, my doctor came back and said it was time to break my water! She was sure once my water broke things would move quickly.

And they did.

Within an hour and a half of breaking my water I told Andrew I thought it was time! I paged my nurse and the resident doctor came quickly to check my progress. I was 10cm! Andrew had a HUGE smile on his face and grabbed my hand and said, "here we go!"

My heart was beating SO fast. Suddenly the room flooded with people. They had to get me to the OR to deliver. Before I knew it Andrew was dressed in scrubs and we were rolling down the hall to the OR.

The OR was really intimidating compared to the softly lit, comfortable birthing suite. It was HUGE. The lights were bright and there were SO many people in the room:

-MY OB

-2 Resident doctors

-My birthing room nurse plus 4 others

-4 NICU nurses

-2 Pediatricians

-An anesthesiologist/ photographer :)

-A few other random people that I am still not sure of why they were there, but at that point I just didn't care anymore!

The bed in the OR was so narrow and uncomfortable. I was afraid I would fall off when I started pushing!

The nurses were all loving Andrew and his enthusiasm :) He was all smiles and just so excited to meet his new little boys.

My doctor seemed annoyed with all the people hustling around and kept insisting that we really did not need them all there, even though she knows they have to be. She's too funny.

Within 10 minutes of being in the OR my doctor gave me the go ahead to start pushing. All I could think about was how badly I just wanted to BREATHE again! That was my motivation to push the first baby out :)

The anesthesiologist quickly turned photographer grabbed our camera from Andrew and told him to enjoy the moment and he would take care of the pictures! What an amazing guy!

About 15 minutes later Ryder was born. I could not believe how sweet and small he was. He looked so much like Judah did, but a lot tinier. As Andrew and I were cuddling our new son my doctor reminded me that we were not done yet! :) What a strange feeling...to deliver you baby and realize that there was one more still to come!

As they were weighing and checking Ryder over I had to concentrate on pushing again. It was so hard to do when all I wanted to do was look over at what was going on with Ryder. Andrew had followed the baby over to the warmer and seemed to have forgotten his job of helping me :) One of the nurses ushered him back to my side.

Before I started pushing I asked my doctor how long it usually was between births. She said "anywhere between a couple minutes to 6 hours."

I was not about to push for 6 more hours and started to push as hard as a I could. Everyone was saying, "whoa! WHOA! Slow down, hold on just...here comes another baby!" It seemed like only a few seconds went by, but from the time of Ryder's birth to Will's birth it was 17 minutes...so I maybe pushed 5-10 minutes! It was awesome. I swear delivering twins was EASIER than my delivery with Judah! It just happened so fast.

When I first saw Will I was blown away by how different he and Ryder looked. He was SO precious and so tiny too. Just as he was in the womb, he was so quite and peaceful with the sweetest little cry. We were in love.

As they took Will to be weighed everything finally felt real. We just had twins. We have two sweet little babies! After 9 months of an incredibly difficult pregnancy I had my reward...and it was SO worth it. I would do it again in a second.

Here is our first picture with both boys:

{Andrew is holding Ryder & I have a just born Will}

Both boys were 6 lbs 13 ounce! The whole room started laughing when they announced it! They were also only 1/4 of an inch apart in length!

Everyone in the room was beaming. We were so thankful of such a smooth, easy delivery. It was the perfect start to our family of 5 :)

I felt great afterwards and was walking around really quickly. I remember feeling so much more tired and sore after having Judah. This time I hardly felt like I had given birth.

We called my dad, who was not able to be there, first and told him the babies' names. We wanted him to feel special and be the first to know their names. We had named Will after him. (More on why we chose their names in a later post).

After talking to my dad, my mom , sister, Andrew's parents and Judah came in the room to meet the babies. Judah was thrilled! Shortly after they came in a few friends followed and Judah exclaimed, "BABIES! BABIES! BABIES!" He was jumping up and down and so excited to show off his new brothers. Thank you Mandy, Carolyn and Mitch for coming to meet our boys!

When everyone left and we moved to our recovery room we finally had a moment to stop and be thankful for what a blessing the day had been. We were just in awe of our 2 sweet boys and stayed up way too late cuddling them. One nurse scolded us and told us we better get some sleep while we had a chance. But, we didn't care, we were so happy and would have stayed up all night.

To celebrate we ordered Chili's take-out :) I had been craving it for so long and was not able to enjoy it because of my gestational diabetes...it felt SO good to be able to eat what I wanted again!

Thank you to everyone who kept us in your prayers that day and for so much of my pregnancy. We could feel God answering them all along.

{Beautiful Disaster}

This is our life right now. We are a mess. But we are beyond blessed.

We welcomed our two sweet boys into the World on 2.1.12 at 6:25pm and 6:42pm.

Ryder Elwood- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long

Will Albert- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 20 inches long

We could not have hoped for a better birth experience. Everything went so smoothly and both babies were very healthy. (Birth Story to come).

The first days at home have been the most challenging days of our lives. We hardly sleep, forget to eat & talk without making sense.

Day one at home was great (Friday). The night was fairly good, we had a good routine down between me nursing and Andrew changing diapers. I think we got a good 3 hrs that night. It felt great :)

Saturday morning I woke up with one of my legs being extremely swollen and painful. I also found that I had developed 2 ulcers in my right eye. I called my doctor immediately and she to me to get to the ER as soon as possible, for concern of a blood clot. The ER was the last place I wanted to bring my newborn babies, but we had no choice. After 3 long hours in the ER and an ultrasound on both legs, I was discharged blood-clot free. Praise the Lord! They had also weighed the babies in the ER because we missed our pediatrician visit that morning. We found out that Ryder had lost too much weight and was down to 6 pounds 1 ounce. So, from there we rushed over to the peds before they closed at noon. WE WERE EXHAUSTED at this point.

Come Sunday morning things seemed like maybe they would settle down. We had some wonderful visitors for most of the afternoon and just enjoyed sharing our new babies with them.

Then I started to have extreme pain nursing. So much so that I could not bare to do it and had to start pumping. It was miserable. I was a mess and in so much pain, rendering me almost useless to do anything other than pump and feed the babies (which, apparently is ALL I should be doing...but, oh my, it is HARD for me to give up control to other and ask for help!)

That evening as we were getting ready for bed and I was finishing up feeding a baby Andrew walked in the room white as a ghost holding the other baby. He said he felt really nauseous all of a sudden. I quickly prayed that it was nothing. But, no it was something...about 10 vomiting episodes later Andrew emerged from the bathroom looking like the picture of death. At this point my sweet (AMAZINGLY helpful sister) had already gone to bed. I didn't want to wake her and tried to pump myself up for a very long night.

Andrew spent the rest of the night dying on the couch, completely helpless while I rushed back and forth all hours of the night trying to care for two newborns. I counted, down to the minute how much sleep I got that evening....10 minutes. TEN minutes!!!

When Monday morning hit I felt like I was in a cloud. My sister yelled at me for not waking her to help. STUPID, I know. But, I really have a hard time letting go of my need to get things done myself. Another mom of twins told me, "The number one rule of being a mom of twins is, -NEVER turn down help." She could not be wiser.

So, I sent out my first Facebook SOS. I knew my sister and I could not take care of the babies and Judah (who had also been sick the night before) alone. My incredible friend Christy responded literally with in seconds and rushed out the door to our rescue.

Meanwhile pumping and nursing were becoming increasingly painful.

My sister and I fumbled through and afternoon pediatrician visit and a Target run for much needed supplies. Both babies were amazing and slept almost the whole time.

On a good note, both babies had gained 5.5 ounces in two days...AMAZING! It really lifted my spirits.

Christy spent almost the ENTIRE day with us, caring for Judah and the babies so my sister and I could nap. I could not be more grateful for her love and support.

That evening my sister slept on an air mattress in my room to help me with the babies while Andrew tried to get better out on the couch. Our babies had been quarantined to our room. The night was SO much better than the one before, I could not have made it another night like that. I am so thankful for my sister! I got 5 total hours of sleep last night in-between feeding and changing the babies. I was sure I would feel better in the morning.

But, alas, this morning I woke up to the unmistakeable feeling of being run over by a semi. I have never felt worse. I could not pick myself up off the bed. It hurt literally everywhere and I was running a high fever. I was sure I was dying. I called my doctor right away and she was sure I had mastitis, a serious breast infection that renders you completely useless with what feels like the worst flu of your life.

She had me come in in the afternoon to check and sent me home with instructions to call back if it got worse---how could I feel WORSE?!

So here I am, tonight, surrounded by dirty diapers, bottles, mounds of baby clothes and in so much pain....and I am smiling. I promise you, I am smiling. I am so filled with love for my two new babies, so thankful that God would choose to bless us so immensely, that He trust US with these two sweet boys. I am beyond thankful for this mess, because it is the result of hours and hours of loving and caring for our babies.

Our life is a disaster. But, it is beautiful.

We will come out of this so much stronger, understanding even more what love really means.

If God is love and love is God than everything that is is everything that ever was...

{Bumpin' Along}

Today marks 37 weeks, 4 days in.

Here's a little update on the baby front:

-Went to the doctor yesterday afternoon and found out I am 5cm!!! What in the world?! HOW am I still walking around like this, practically about to push these babies out??"Active labor is said to start at 4cm....soooo, I guess that makes me officially in labor, no? I like to think so.

-My doctor is not on call again until tomorrow morning at 8am, so I am "holding out" until then. I REALLY want her to be the one to deliver the babies. But, the doctor on call today is also amazing and delivered Judah 2 years ago. SO, I am just monitoring my contractions and waiting to see how things go.

-I was instructed to come in when my contractions are 10 minutes apart or less. Well, let me tell you they have been 8-10 minutes apart for like 3 weeks now....so, I am really not taking that all too seriously. Last night when I went to bed they were 7-8 minutes apart, but not unbearable. I am starting to wonder if I just have a really high pain threshold? Andrew is a little worried that I might wait too long. He was panicked this morning when I told him to just go to work and I would call him if things got moving along more quickly. We are literally FIVE minutes from the hospital, so no point in bumming around there when I can relax at home. My doctor said that if I went in right now, at 5cm, they would not let me leave.

-And now, they are still the same, 7-8 minutes apart, but not so intense that I can not talk, ect.

-My doc will be on call starting at 8am tomorrow, so babies, lets just take it easy until then :) I never thought I would ask them to stay put another day, but I think I can make it 12-14 more hours :) My sister will be happy about this plan too because she will be flying in from Colorado tomorrow afternoon!

{37 Weeks, 2 days}

We thought today was going to be THE day.

The bags were packed, the house cleaned, plans made, and we were READY!

I couldn't fall "asleep" until midnight even knowing that I had to get up and call Triage at 6am.

I woke up about 10 times last night to check the clock, I just knew that the alarm would forget to go off at 5:45. AND IT DID. Luckily my bladder woke me up at 6:03. I frantically sprung out of bed and shuffled around in the dark for the information my doctor had given me. I shook Andrew and told him to go get in the shower NOW and called Triage.

As soon as the nurse answered I could tell that she was not going to have good news for me. She said that there were a few women about to give birth and that some rooms would surely be free if I called back at 9am. 9AM?! It sounded like an eternity. Dear ol' Andrew had already fallen back asleep, so I shook him again and told him them news. I tried to fall back asleep again, but could only lay there and pretend until 7:30.

We tried to act like we were not going crazy with anticipation, but the tension was thick. My back ached, my skin ITCHED like nuts, my head was pounding...I HAD to give birth today! How could I go another day?! I was going to burst at the seams with babies!

Finally it was 9AM...actually it was 8:58AM, but Andrew and I decided that was close enough & we called again. Same nurse. Same response. But this time she said she would call me back "later this morning" (ugh. I guess calling 2 minutes early was not cool) She was sure that I would get in by the afternoon. Some more women were "just about to pop out their babies."

So we waited. We constructed an elaborate train track system in Judah's room. We watched the clock. It was almost noon. They're killing me! Later "this morning!" My mind was racing. Maybe they forgot me. Should I call my doctor and see what she's up to? Maybe she could just come on over to our place and get this show on the road.

And then my phone rang at 11:47AM. The voice on the other end of the line sounded semi-terrified to be calling such a severely pregnant woman with what was no doubt BAD news.

"Hi there, Sarah. I ugh, just talked to your doctor and SHE said that SHE thinks we should go ahead and wait until Wednesday when she is on call next. You know, we are just really busy and we are very sorry, but we just do not have the staff or the rooms available today. But, she said go ahead and call her if you start getting any contractions and come and see her on Monday at the clinic."

I nodded my head and tried not to cry hysterically about how I REALLY had to have these babies today or I would just DIE...and how I was sure there HAD to be some extra room SOMEWHERE at the hospital, really I am not too picky at this point. And did my doctor say what she was doing this afternoon? Did some fun plans come up that she couldn't miss? Was she having a bad hair day? Whatever it was, I was sure we could figure it out and get me in today sometime!!!

But, I just said OK like a polite pregnant lady should and after I hung up proceeded to cry like a crazy woman.

My poor husband.

So, here I am. It's 6:30 at night. I should be holding two squirmy, fresh new born babies right now. I should be able to see my toes again. But, instead I am whining about my STILL pregnant state for all the world to hear, and once again counting down the days until I get to see these babies.

THE END.

{36 Weeks}

Today I am 36 Weeks, 4 days.

The babies are measuring in at 6 pounds 9 ounces and 6 pounds 3 ounces! We will see how accurate that is in a few days....but almost 13 pounds of babies feels about right to me! Ouch.

On Friday the babies will officially be considered full term for twins! Way to go babies!

We are so anxious to meet these two little munchkins. Andrew goes to work every day on high alert, expecting to get a call from me telling him to get his butt to the hospital! Every day his coworkers say good bye like it is the last time they will see him for a month....but every day he comes home to his severely preggo wife in the same condition he left her in that morning. He has never had worse anxiety in his life he told me :) Poor guy.

As for me, I am no longer sleeping...just taking 10-15 minute cat naps from 11pm-6am and if I am lucky an hour nap during the day when Judah decides he needs a rest :) My lack of sleep is due to a HUGE belly, aching back and worst of all this intensely itchy, crazy pregnancy rash that 1% of pregnant women are so lucky to get. My doctor said it is 10x's more itchy than poison ivy. I would have to agree. 75% of women who get it are carrying twins or boy babies....so I guess I was extra susceptible! It will go away within a few days to weeks of delivering the babies.

Today, after seeing my miserable state, my doctor said she would be inducing me this Saturday (January 28th) if I do not go into labor before then. She really could not believe I was still waddling happily around. It really helps to have an end in sight, something solid to count down to. THREE MORE DAYS at the most! I am really hoping they just decide to come on their own, but I also know I can not endure more than three days of this rapidly growing, insanely itchy hive-type rash!!!!

My mom and I hustled all over town finishing up my last minute errands and collecting an arsenal of lotions and soaps to soothe my rash and keep me from clawing myself to pieces. The best one so far works like a dream, but smells like an old man sitting by a campfire---Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap, I LOVE YOU! As we were running errands I had a few "oh my goodness" contractions, one that even made me chuck my Grandpa soap at my mom because it took my by surprise. I thought for sure things were movie' along today...but alas it looks like another labor trick.

Tomorrow is Judah's 2nd birthday! We are not sure if all three of the boys would appreciate or hate a shared birthday....it would be pretty crazy though!

Can't wait to share some pictures of our new little buddies :)

{35 Weeks-- It's a LONG one!}

35 weeks....I CAN NOT believe we have made it this far! With all the contractions I have been having the past 15ish weeks, I never thought these guys would still be cookin' away at this point. But, I am SO thankful that they have and that they are doing so well! God is good.

If they were born at any time now they would have fully mature lungs and only need to stop by the NICU for a quick evaluation (standard before 37 weeks).

Although I am VERY thankful for two healthy babies cookin' away in there, I can not lie, things are getting VERY uncomfortable! I am trying to be patient and keep my eye on the prize...every day they are in there is a bonus for them...but, oh my this is HARD. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done physically in my life. My pregnancy with Judah can not even compare....it was a cake walk compared to the marathon that is a twin pregnancy.

On Friday I stopped in to see my lovely doc & she said she was certain that these babes would be arriving ON THEIR OWN within the next week...on Friday she said "I wouldn't be surprised if they came tonight!" Ha....no such luck, but hopefully she was right about the whole within the next week thing! She said I was 3cm already and that baby A was super duper low...all good signs that they are just about ready to pop!

I am also measuring at 39 weeks for a singleton...FULL TERM, baby! Only, these babies amount to much more than the average single term baby...They are approx. 5.5 to 6 pounds each...wowza...that's 11-12 pounds o' baby PLUS all that other luggage they tote with them! My achin' back!

My mom was here the past 5 days helping out and getting everything ready for the babies...also hoping that MAYBE they would arrive while she was here. Little stinkers...I just know that I will go into labor as she pulls into her driveway this afternoon :) We got all the newborn and 0-3 month clothes washed and ready to go, my hospital bags packed, camera batteries charged, nursery set and house SERIOUSLY cleaned from corner to corner. WE ARE READY.

Here is a quick snap of me at 35 weeks:

(*excuse the horrible lighting*)

Also, please note the sweet photo in the background that Andrew designed for me:

FIRST A JUDAH JAY, THEN TWO FOR JOY THEY SAY...

It is (partially) from an old children's poem that goes:

(*It is referring to how many magpies (type of bird) that you see when you are pregnant*)

One for sorrow

Two for joy

Three for a girl

Four for a boy

Five for silver

Six for gold

Seven for a secret, never to be told

Eight for a wish

Nine for a kiss

Ten for a bird you must not miss

We changed it from one for sorrow, to first a Judah Jay :0)

It will be the theme of the babies' room when we move this spring! Love it.

They first time we ever heard of this poem was actually from some of the lyrics in mine and Andrew's favorite song by Jeffery Foucault called "One For Sorrow"

We LOVE that song and feel like it really speaks to our life and dreams right now.

More on that another time :)