{Beautiful Disaster}

This is our life right now. We are a mess. But we are beyond blessed.

We welcomed our two sweet boys into the World on 2.1.12 at 6:25pm and 6:42pm.

Ryder Elwood- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long

Will Albert- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 20 inches long

We could not have hoped for a better birth experience. Everything went so smoothly and both babies were very healthy. (Birth Story to come).

The first days at home have been the most challenging days of our lives. We hardly sleep, forget to eat & talk without making sense.

Day one at home was great (Friday). The night was fairly good, we had a good routine down between me nursing and Andrew changing diapers. I think we got a good 3 hrs that night. It felt great :)

Saturday morning I woke up with one of my legs being extremely swollen and painful. I also found that I had developed 2 ulcers in my right eye. I called my doctor immediately and she to me to get to the ER as soon as possible, for concern of a blood clot. The ER was the last place I wanted to bring my newborn babies, but we had no choice. After 3 long hours in the ER and an ultrasound on both legs, I was discharged blood-clot free. Praise the Lord! They had also weighed the babies in the ER because we missed our pediatrician visit that morning. We found out that Ryder had lost too much weight and was down to 6 pounds 1 ounce. So, from there we rushed over to the peds before they closed at noon. WE WERE EXHAUSTED at this point.

Come Sunday morning things seemed like maybe they would settle down. We had some wonderful visitors for most of the afternoon and just enjoyed sharing our new babies with them.

Then I started to have extreme pain nursing. So much so that I could not bare to do it and had to start pumping. It was miserable. I was a mess and in so much pain, rendering me almost useless to do anything other than pump and feed the babies (which, apparently is ALL I should be doing...but, oh my, it is HARD for me to give up control to other and ask for help!)

That evening as we were getting ready for bed and I was finishing up feeding a baby Andrew walked in the room white as a ghost holding the other baby. He said he felt really nauseous all of a sudden. I quickly prayed that it was nothing. But, no it was something...about 10 vomiting episodes later Andrew emerged from the bathroom looking like the picture of death. At this point my sweet (AMAZINGLY helpful sister) had already gone to bed. I didn't want to wake her and tried to pump myself up for a very long night.

Andrew spent the rest of the night dying on the couch, completely helpless while I rushed back and forth all hours of the night trying to care for two newborns. I counted, down to the minute how much sleep I got that evening....10 minutes. TEN minutes!!!

When Monday morning hit I felt like I was in a cloud. My sister yelled at me for not waking her to help. STUPID, I know. But, I really have a hard time letting go of my need to get things done myself. Another mom of twins told me, "The number one rule of being a mom of twins is, -NEVER turn down help." She could not be wiser.

So, I sent out my first Facebook SOS. I knew my sister and I could not take care of the babies and Judah (who had also been sick the night before) alone. My incredible friend Christy responded literally with in seconds and rushed out the door to our rescue.

Meanwhile pumping and nursing were becoming increasingly painful.

My sister and I fumbled through and afternoon pediatrician visit and a Target run for much needed supplies. Both babies were amazing and slept almost the whole time.

On a good note, both babies had gained 5.5 ounces in two days...AMAZING! It really lifted my spirits.

Christy spent almost the ENTIRE day with us, caring for Judah and the babies so my sister and I could nap. I could not be more grateful for her love and support.

That evening my sister slept on an air mattress in my room to help me with the babies while Andrew tried to get better out on the couch. Our babies had been quarantined to our room. The night was SO much better than the one before, I could not have made it another night like that. I am so thankful for my sister! I got 5 total hours of sleep last night in-between feeding and changing the babies. I was sure I would feel better in the morning.

But, alas, this morning I woke up to the unmistakeable feeling of being run over by a semi. I have never felt worse. I could not pick myself up off the bed. It hurt literally everywhere and I was running a high fever. I was sure I was dying. I called my doctor right away and she was sure I had mastitis, a serious breast infection that renders you completely useless with what feels like the worst flu of your life.

She had me come in in the afternoon to check and sent me home with instructions to call back if it got worse---how could I feel WORSE?!

So here I am, tonight, surrounded by dirty diapers, bottles, mounds of baby clothes and in so much pain....and I am smiling. I promise you, I am smiling. I am so filled with love for my two new babies, so thankful that God would choose to bless us so immensely, that He trust US with these two sweet boys. I am beyond thankful for this mess, because it is the result of hours and hours of loving and caring for our babies.

Our life is a disaster. But, it is beautiful.

We will come out of this so much stronger, understanding even more what love really means.

If God is love and love is God than everything that is is everything that ever was...