{Late Night Waiting}

With Andrew working full time and in Grad School, Judah and I find ourselves with many mid-week late nights together up waiting for Andrew to come home.

Andrew is Judah's best bud and he can absolutely not end his day without seeing his daddy. And I don't fight it because it means something, their relationship is more important than a consistent bedtime right now.

And so I find myself doing a lot of late night waiting with my 3 year old which consist of:

Lots of games of Candy Land

Lots of snugly book reading (our library checkout list is currently at 115 books!)

Busy bag activities (planning a post on these soon, I made about 40 last month and they have been so great for keeping Judah entertained)

Movie watching (our current favorite is anything Charlie Brown) you can see by his face that we are nearing the end of our late night waiting ;)

On these late nights of waiting something special is happening, in the waiting we are making memories together, just a boy and his mama waiting for their favorite person in the world to come home. I love it. Although this is a tough season in our life, we are finding joy in the waiting. 

And the waiting is so worth it...

Our joy is complete :)

{Life RIght Now}

It has been awhile since I have done an update, so I thought I would share a little about our life {right now}.

Judah is just over 3.5 years old already {tears}. He is becoming such a sweet little man. He still has his vibrant, joyful spirit and we are all learning how to embrace it a little more every day. He has an insane vocabulary and really seems to grasp concepts far beyond his years. We love to just listen to him share his thoughts and have a peek into his heart. I started to do preschool at home with him this fall because he is SO ready and just eager to learn. I found a great Christian based preschool program online that we are following, along with some of my own ideas. So far it is going really well, but it is a tricky balance with the twins being the super active toddlers that they are. Nap time is usually our only opportunity to tackle school stuff. Judah is such a social little guy too. He just LOVES to be with people. I have a hard time keeping him off the neighbor's porches :) We are so blessed to call this sweet boy our son. He teaches us so much.

{again, with the fuzzy iPad pics, but something better than nothing ;) }

{Big Bro}

Ryder & Will are 19 {almost 20 months} and ON.THE.MOVE! They are just little busy bees, soaking up everything they can {especially from their big bro}. While they are in very similar stages in a lot of ways, they are also extremely different.

 Ryder is very attached to me {FINALLY, a mama's guy!}, loves to snuggle, cautious about new experiences, passionate about what he wants/ doesn't want, LOVES kitties {not sure how he developed this affection because Andrew and I are anything but cat people!}, He is obsessed with all things Elmo, loves to just sit on his little frog potty and say "poo-poo!" and takes any opportunity he can to be outside {and get on Judah's bike}. He certainly is a blessing to our family.

{Ry may have taste tested the dirt...}

 Will is a pretty independent guy. He is our "wise old soul"- he just always has this intense, knowing look on his face, it cracks us up. He has a very complex vocabulary for his age and seems to really understand a lot more than we probably know. He loves books and will sit for a good 45 minutes just paging through his favorites. He is also very very opinionated about what he wants, which I think just comes with the toddler territory ;) He loves to putter around with little tiny toys and examine the smallest details of things. We just love this little bug to pieces.

{Will, showing off his sweet smile}

 Andrew is in the midst of grad school and working full time insanity. It's nuts. He is pretty much exhausted from the moment he wakes up until he eventually makes it to bed at night. Given all that he has on his plate he does SO much to take care of us all when he is home. We miss him a lot during the week and are really looking forward to this last semester being over! We are so proud of him!

{Andrew & Judah, Best Buddies}

 And me, I am in full blown mom mode 24/7. I give all the single moms out there SO much credit. It.Is.TOUGH. I have not had much time for anything outside of the kids and house stuff, so getting back into blogging is really a great outlet for me. I have met a few amazing moms in town recently, so it is has been great to build a little community of friends that are close by.

{Me and my 3 boys}

Life is good, crazy busy and stressful at times, but so so good.

{Hope}

As we celebrated our {first Thanksgiving} holiday in our {first} house I was overwhelmed with Thankfulness....

Thankful to have a house of our own,

Thankful for a safe, beautiful place to raise our family,

Thankful for a husband who loves me & sees my heart & who I was made to be,

Thankful for 3 sweet boys we are so blessed to call our sons,

Thankful for our parents who love & support us,

Thankful for friends that encourage us & love us as family,

Thankful that all our basic needs are met every month without fail,

Thankful for the opportunities and talents God has blessed us with,

Thankful for this beautiful life in all it's craziness, stress, messiness and failures.

And so very thankful for a God who loves us so deeply and gives us HOPE for our days ahead.


I am so so excited to now celebrate our first Christmas in our house...to start some more of our own traditions and teach our children what this season is all about.

Before we had children we knew we would not do Santa with them. I do not believe that Santa is a bad guy or that he represents anything bad, but I do not believe he represents Christmas. We want to raise our kids knowing the true meaning of Christmas, to celebrate the Hope that was born into this world, to understand that this is a time to remember the greatest gift ever given, Jesus.

Our children have been born into a world where we are all searching for hope and security. We are searching in all the wrong places...a perfect job, a perfect home, a large bank account, the right president, drugs or relationships...whatever it may be. Our hope is not found in any of these empty pursuits. The beautiful thing? Hope IS here. Hope arrived thousands of years ago in the form of a little baby born in a stable. The very first gift on the very first Christmas.

That hope came when our world was not perfect and it continues to come into our now not so perfect lives. It comes into our messy lives and brings life, security, love....anything and everything we are looking to fulfill.

I am so thankful that God gave us the gift of his Son on that night so long ago and I am so excited to teach our kids what it is all about.

I pray this season is filled with wonder in a God who loves us so deeply and that it is celebrated joyfully in remembrance of the gift that Jesus truly is.

{Snapshots}

I thought I would share a few "snapshots" of our days from the past few weeks. I have been really slacking on going through & editing our family photos {and sharing them} for a long time now....pretty sure I still have everything from last Christmas to go through and beyond. As soon as my editing load for clients slows down I will get back to our family pictures and catch up from the past 9 months or so :) I just quickly went through and grabbed a few photos that highlight the boy's personalities...as well as a couple of them with their grandma & grandpa W. Enjoy :)

{Judah during a rare moment of quite time}

{Thats more like it!}

{Our little wild man}

{Toddler attitude}

{Ryder & his big green, sparkly eyes}

{Ryder waiting for some breakfast!}

{Our sweet little bud, Ry Guy}

{Will is such a charmer}

{Will loves to look out the window}

{This guy could play play play all day}

{practicing sharing <3}

{Little hands getting in trouble. All. Day. Long.}

{If you got it, I want it}

{Grandma Kathy is a rockstar}

{Grandpa Kriss & Ryder}

{Caught these two both looking at the camera on family picture day :) }

{All 3 sleeping after a car ride home...maybe we should do this every night at bedtime?!}

{on saying "sorry"}

We are constantly telling Judah he needs to "say sorry" for little things he does; pushing or taking something from one of the babies, yelling, kicking, throwing his football in the house or treating the iPad like it is a football {ah!}

But, yesterday, I learned an important lesson: somethings parents need to "say sorry" too.

It is not that I never realized that I do things {daily} that hurt or upset someone else...but I never thought that I would need to offer an apology {and admit I was wrong} to my child, my 2 year old son.

It is humbling when you see your child as a mini person, someone who deserves respect and sometimes has it right when you do not.

It was a out of control typical morning at our house and Judah woke up full of energy, ready to get the day started with a good game of football. I, on the other hand, was exhausted and had not had my coffee just yet. I promised him we would play football when the babies went down for their morning nap. 

Both babies were in a feisty kind of mood and were really clingy all morning....and mama never did get that coffee.

When they finally laid down {after 20 minutes of screaming}I plopped down on the couch to catch up on some emails, completely forgetting about the promised game of football.

Judah was not happy about this.

He came over and began to pull on my arm to get me off the couch, mummbling something I could not understand....and then he started screaming.

I was running on empty and not in the mood for him throwing a tantrum and snapped at him to stop, which of course made him even more upset.

He ran out of the room and I got back to my work. 

A few minutes later he was back {with football in hand}and a huge smile on his face. When I looked up and saw him staring at me with his big blue eyes full of joy & excitement my heart sank...I felt terrible that I had forgotten my promise to him.

I pulled him into my lap and said, "oh Bud, I am so sorry. Mommy told you she would play football with you during the babies nap and I forgot. I yelled at you and that was not okay. Let's go play football right now!" 

He put his little hand on my face and said, "it's okay, Mommy. Sometimes Mommies get sassy too, but My love you...and my love football!!!"

It was not the first time I had apologized to Judah, but this time it really hit me. This little boy, at such a young age understood that everyone makes mistakes and he was freely ready to offer his forgiveness. 

I pray that as my boys grow up that I could continue to humble myself before them {and say sorry} in big and little mistakes, in things that I intentionally or unitentionally may do that upset them. I don't want to see myself as the one in control, the one who is always right. I have so much to learn from my children. They bring so much joy and will one day maybe have a totally different perspective on life than I do.

Judah Jay, you are wise beyond your years. You are so full of joy and you accept and love me even when I am not doing my best. I love you so much, buddy.

{Autumn Days}

We have been blessed with an amazingly beautiful Autumn this year. The colors have been so vibrant and the weather has been perfect. We have been soaking up every minute we can outside with the kids.

Our days have been spent taking long walks around our neighborhood; 

admiring the beautiful old homes, 

watching silly squirrels running up ancient oak trees, 

stoping to talk to sweet elderly grandmas & grandpas we pass by,

kicking up piles of leaves on the sidewalks,

window shopping on Main Street,

taking turns pushing the stroller,

teaching Judah to ride his new balance bike,

giggling at chipmunks with cheeks full of acorns,

stopping at the library for a new book or two,

visiting our favorite park at the top of the hill,

grabbing a salted caramel hot cocoa at Real Coffee,

visiting the thrift store around the corner to search for treasures,

meeting new friends at play group,

eating lunch by the lake and 

making plans to have a campfire in one of the old stone fireplaces,

& just enjoying these beautiful fall days as they quickly pass us by.

The babies are changing so quickly & are really growing into their own little personalities. It is so sweet to watch. 

Ryder is such a snuggler. There is nothing he loves more on a chilly fall morning than to snuggle into the crook of my neck and just sit with me as I enjoy my morning coffee. He is such a little love. He is cautious and prefers to take the world in from the safety of my arms. He loves to watch his big brother spin around the room and be goofy, I know he would be happy to watch & giggle at Judah all day long. His big green eyes can melt your heart and make you drop everything you are doing just to pick him up and kiss his squishy little cheeks. He is definitely a mama's guy & I have to admit I am loving it! 

Will is our little adventurer. He loves to explore every corner of whatever room he happens to be in. you can guarantee that he will find the tiniest little object in the room & once he does he will turn it over in his hands for half an hour just inspecting it quietly. He is such a content little guy, always smiling and so patient. He is happy to wait his "turn" when his brothers are both screaming and needing something. He has the absolute sweetest smile and laugh in the world & is the most ticklish little guy I have ever met...ticking him will result in uncontrollable baby giggles that are pee your pants cute. This guys is such a little sweetheart.

Judah, oh Judah Jay. Our little comedian. He is such a little sponge, soaking up absolutely every thing Andrew & I do and say. It is funny how you never realize the phrases or words you use so often until you have a 2.5 year old to record your every word & repeat. It can really be a reality check for your attitude and how you respond to certain situations. He is incredibly smart and witty, it amazes us the things he comes up with! He has been working on his ABC's, counting, colors & reading every day, he just loves to learn. He has so much passion for life and takes on every day with so much gusto and enthusiasm. He loves to help us with whatever we are doing and wants to do his best to make us proud (and he truly does make us so proud!) He just loves his baby brothers so much and it is amazing to watch their relationship grow, they are going to be the best of buddies!

There are so many new things happening daily and so many dreams in our hearts for the days ahead....what a beautiful, crazy time of life it is! We are so thankful for this life we have be blessed with & the sweet little boys we get to teach & learn from daily.

{a new season}

One of the things i love most about living in Wisconsin is the beautiful changing of the seasons that we are so blessed to experience here.

I know I am not alone in this, but fall is my absolute favorite time of the year! This year is especially significant for me because it is a major shift in both seasons of life and seasons of the year.

I am so ready for a new season! 

A season of beautiful, vibrant colors.

A season of SLEEPING babies :)

A season of crisp, cool weather.

A season of learning what it means to

be a mom of three.

A season of crackling backyard campfires.

A season of family.

A season of Sunday football games.

A season of dreaming for our future.

A season of canning our summer garden's bounty.

A season of learning to lean on God more and more.

A season of warm, fuzzy sweaters.

A season of change in so many ways.

The past three seasons have felt like one long winter in my soul. Since the birth of our two little bugs we have been hibernating in a way. Finally, it seems that there is an end to this season of newborn babies, sleepless nights & toddler tantrums. All 3 of the kids are growing and learning so much every day. It is amazing to see them transform into such sweet, intelligent, loving individuals. And as they grow and become more independent I am once again able to unsurface "me." What were my hobbies again? :) Ah, the ever evolving life of a mother!

Judah and I have enjoyed doing little daily art projects together over the past week & I hope it is something we can continue to do together. He just loves to get hands on & creative!

Here is a project we did this week:

(sorry for the poor ipad quailty photo, but hopefully you can see it enough to appreciate Judah's 

paintbrush skills!)

We used scrapbook letters and wrote out a bible verse that has been a favorite at our house over the past few months. Then Judah painted over the letters. We waited for the paint to dry & peeled the letters off and got a really neat effect. {I saw a version of this on Pinterest awhile back}

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper & not harm you, plans to give you a hope & a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Such beautiful words. They have carried us through the past few months & continue to give us hope for the many beautiful days the Lord has laid out for us in the seasons, months & years to come.

{My Number One}

::Judah Jay Jacmel::

My first baby

My oldest son

The one who made me "mom"

2.5 years old at the end of this month

Full of curiosity

Full of spirit

Lives life boldly

LOVES: 

.anything with wheels.

.his baby brothers.

.being just like daddy.

.looking for king fishers.

.being outside every minute of the day.

.helping mama make breakfast.

.going to the farm.

.doing puzzles.

.reading with daddy.

.playing his guitar.

Wants to be a cowboy when he grows up..."my gonna be a cowboy, mama!"

Thinks his auntie Heidi lives in an airplane & flies by every day.

Asks for pancakes every morning.

Looks for king fishers wherever he goes.

Escapes from the house to look at the Subarau 10X a day.

Melts my heart when he says, "my love you too."

Makes our life full of adventure.

{Judah means "praise"... & this little boy loves life so deeply and tastes it so fully that his name could not be more perfect for him}

We are so thankful for the sweet little blessing that he is in our life. Although the past 5 months have been some of the most difficult for him and the tantrums have been plentiful, his sweet little spirit always shines through and makes life so very sweet.

We love you, Judah Jay!

{these are the days}

These are the days of...

Sleepless nights.

Sweet Snuggles.

An eternally messy house.

Fuzzy baby heads.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Mountains of laundry.

Lots of giggles.

Many tantrums.

Finger painting at 8am.

Missing our freedom.

Being a family.

Being broke.

Being thankful.

Dreaming about our future...


These are days I don't want to forget. These are the days I want to soak up and live in every moment.


I have had the lyrics of a song stuck in my head this week, " this is your life are you who you want to be?" and I have been (in my constant state of grogginess) trying to answer that question.


There are so many days right now that I MISS the simpleness of just Andrew and I. I remember having quite dinners (before 9pm) and being able to spend time with friends and travel whenever we wanted. I also remember how badly I wanted kids. I remember wishing that the day I would become a mama would come quickly, I wished those {just the 2 of us} years away so often.


It is so sad to me that so much our lives is about wanting what we don't have and then looking back and wishing we had what we did  have. I want to truly enjoy my life NOW. I want to be thankful for my sassy toddler and his constant curiosity...and for my two sweet babes who want to be held constantly. I know I will look back on this stage of my life and long for it. When that happens I want to feel confident that I soaked it all in and LIVED in those moments. I know that there are so many ways I can grow and learn in the years to come, but right now I want to be satisfied with who I am and where I am in life.


Maybe most people already realize this, maybe they don't. I can only speak for myself and encourage others to stop and evaluate.


In many ways I am not who I want to be. I get down on myself so often and wish I could be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, ect. All I know for sure though, is that I am where I am supposed to be right now giving it my all.... and that should be enough.


Life is short. We don't know how many days we have left or what the future will bring. So, be who you want to be today. Love your life now.


{these are the days}

{Beautiful Disaster}

This is our life right now. We are a mess. But we are beyond blessed.

We welcomed our two sweet boys into the World on 2.1.12 at 6:25pm and 6:42pm.

Ryder Elwood- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 19 3/4 inches long

Will Albert- 6 lbs 13 ounces, 20 inches long

We could not have hoped for a better birth experience. Everything went so smoothly and both babies were very healthy. (Birth Story to come).

The first days at home have been the most challenging days of our lives. We hardly sleep, forget to eat & talk without making sense.

Day one at home was great (Friday). The night was fairly good, we had a good routine down between me nursing and Andrew changing diapers. I think we got a good 3 hrs that night. It felt great :)

Saturday morning I woke up with one of my legs being extremely swollen and painful. I also found that I had developed 2 ulcers in my right eye. I called my doctor immediately and she to me to get to the ER as soon as possible, for concern of a blood clot. The ER was the last place I wanted to bring my newborn babies, but we had no choice. After 3 long hours in the ER and an ultrasound on both legs, I was discharged blood-clot free. Praise the Lord! They had also weighed the babies in the ER because we missed our pediatrician visit that morning. We found out that Ryder had lost too much weight and was down to 6 pounds 1 ounce. So, from there we rushed over to the peds before they closed at noon. WE WERE EXHAUSTED at this point.

Come Sunday morning things seemed like maybe they would settle down. We had some wonderful visitors for most of the afternoon and just enjoyed sharing our new babies with them.

Then I started to have extreme pain nursing. So much so that I could not bare to do it and had to start pumping. It was miserable. I was a mess and in so much pain, rendering me almost useless to do anything other than pump and feed the babies (which, apparently is ALL I should be doing...but, oh my, it is HARD for me to give up control to other and ask for help!)

That evening as we were getting ready for bed and I was finishing up feeding a baby Andrew walked in the room white as a ghost holding the other baby. He said he felt really nauseous all of a sudden. I quickly prayed that it was nothing. But, no it was something...about 10 vomiting episodes later Andrew emerged from the bathroom looking like the picture of death. At this point my sweet (AMAZINGLY helpful sister) had already gone to bed. I didn't want to wake her and tried to pump myself up for a very long night.

Andrew spent the rest of the night dying on the couch, completely helpless while I rushed back and forth all hours of the night trying to care for two newborns. I counted, down to the minute how much sleep I got that evening....10 minutes. TEN minutes!!!

When Monday morning hit I felt like I was in a cloud. My sister yelled at me for not waking her to help. STUPID, I know. But, I really have a hard time letting go of my need to get things done myself. Another mom of twins told me, "The number one rule of being a mom of twins is, -NEVER turn down help." She could not be wiser.

So, I sent out my first Facebook SOS. I knew my sister and I could not take care of the babies and Judah (who had also been sick the night before) alone. My incredible friend Christy responded literally with in seconds and rushed out the door to our rescue.

Meanwhile pumping and nursing were becoming increasingly painful.

My sister and I fumbled through and afternoon pediatrician visit and a Target run for much needed supplies. Both babies were amazing and slept almost the whole time.

On a good note, both babies had gained 5.5 ounces in two days...AMAZING! It really lifted my spirits.

Christy spent almost the ENTIRE day with us, caring for Judah and the babies so my sister and I could nap. I could not be more grateful for her love and support.

That evening my sister slept on an air mattress in my room to help me with the babies while Andrew tried to get better out on the couch. Our babies had been quarantined to our room. The night was SO much better than the one before, I could not have made it another night like that. I am so thankful for my sister! I got 5 total hours of sleep last night in-between feeding and changing the babies. I was sure I would feel better in the morning.

But, alas, this morning I woke up to the unmistakeable feeling of being run over by a semi. I have never felt worse. I could not pick myself up off the bed. It hurt literally everywhere and I was running a high fever. I was sure I was dying. I called my doctor right away and she was sure I had mastitis, a serious breast infection that renders you completely useless with what feels like the worst flu of your life.

She had me come in in the afternoon to check and sent me home with instructions to call back if it got worse---how could I feel WORSE?!

So here I am, tonight, surrounded by dirty diapers, bottles, mounds of baby clothes and in so much pain....and I am smiling. I promise you, I am smiling. I am so filled with love for my two new babies, so thankful that God would choose to bless us so immensely, that He trust US with these two sweet boys. I am beyond thankful for this mess, because it is the result of hours and hours of loving and caring for our babies.

Our life is a disaster. But, it is beautiful.

We will come out of this so much stronger, understanding even more what love really means.

If God is love and love is God than everything that is is everything that ever was...

Mommy Brain

I have had a bad case of the "mommy brain" this entire pregnancy & have been horrible at updating this blog regularly!

I will be 24 weeks in just a few days! That leaves 13 weeks left (at the most) before the boys arrive. My doctor decided that she will not let me go past 37 weeks. The best time to deliver twins is between 35-38 weeks. SO, that does not leave much time to prepare...I can not believe how quickly this pregnancy has been going!

I have been feeling great the past few weeks. Some days are better than others, but for the most part I have had lots of energy. Judah and I usually try to get in a few good, long walks every week, we have to get in as much time outdoors as possible before the winter hits! This week we walked to the zoo to meet some friends...I could tell it would be one of my last long walks because the entire way there and back I was having contractions. So thankful I have made it this far and have been so active though!

Starting next week I will be having growth ultrasounds every few weeks at the hospital to monitor baby "B" and make sure he is doing well. It will be fun to see the babies so often, but a little nerve wracking at the same time--- I sure have mastered the fine art of motherly worrying during this pregnancy!

Judah man has been such a joy, he keeps us laughing constantly! He just turned 21 months and is getting to be more and more of a big boy every day--he LOVES anything with wheels, books, cooking in his "kitchen" and taking care of his baby doll and of course Elmo/"Nana".

We feel so blessed and thankful every day for the sweet family God has given to us. Although it can be overwhelming and stressful at times at the end of the day there is not a thing I would change.

Stay tuned for a belly pic update! :) For now here are a few fun pictures of Judah from photo booth on our Mac.

Blessed

Being a Mom has been the greatest blessing of my life.

It has also been the greatest challenge.

In the day to day, I sometimes forget how blessed I am.

I get caught up in the mundane, the routine.

The tantrums sometimes outshine the sweet little moments.

The fear of the unknown takes over the present joys.

How will I care for THREE children TWO AND UNDER?

How will I ever have time alone?

When will I shower?

How will we manage?

I forget about:

Judah's sweet smile & big blue eyes.

The feel of his small hand in mine.

Our dreams of a big family coming true.

The gentle bops and bump from two babies in my belly.

I AM BLESSED.

Even when life is difficult, the blessings remain.

I pray that I can hold on to this knowledge in the months ahead.

I pray that as things get more complicated and difficult the blessings will be more apparent.

I pray that I would be satisfied with the life, the blessings, the challenges of this life.

I pray these same things for you.

I want to end with a song that I have been listening to over and over again lately by Stephen Kellogg- "Satisfied Man."

Click here for video

"IF HEAVEN AND FAMILY AND CHILDREN ARE WHAT'S LEFT OF THE RACE THAT I RAN, THEN I'LL QUITELY SLIP TO THE SLUMBERING PEACE OF THE SLEEP OF A SATISFIED MAN..."