{Old Old Fashioned}

Life is moving at a fast pace for us and it does not seem to have any intentions of slowing down anytime soon :)

This past Sunday we found out that the plans we had for our move at the end of April were not going to work out like we thought.

We felt let down.

Discouraged.

Angry.

Helpless.

We would have to move from the neighborhood we have loved for the past 3 years and we didn't know where we would go.

We still don't know for sure, but things are looking a little brighter.

It's funny how you think you have everything under control, have all your life plans figured out for the near future...and then BAM. You are thrown off course, wondering what the heck you are going to do with this mess you are in.

It is times like this that I have to sit back and remind myself that I am not in control.

God is.

It is in these moments that I am reminded my life is not my own.

And in a lot of ways, that is so reassuring. If God is in control, what do I have to worry about?

Well, if your me, you are a hard nut to crack and you really like to be in control. And you also like to worry.

Stupid.

Well, I am trying to let go. Trying to have faith that God has better plans in store for us.

And it has not been easy.

We have gotten our hopes up and had the door slammed in our face a few times already.

And each time it has pushed me to give up a little more control and hold on to the faith that I know God would never leave us hanging.

Yesterday we found a house.

A place that felt like it could be home.

Everything about it felt so right.

I prayed, "Lord, please let this be it. Let it work out. I want this so much."

But, at the same time I am afraid to get my hopes up too much...

But, why would it feel so right if it were not the house for us?

it is beautiful.

123 yrs old.

full of character.

full of stories.

i can picture our 3 boys growing up and filling the rooms with memories.

i can see us having dinner in the dining room.

climbing the giant willow tree in the back yard.

canning our summer harvest in the kitchen.

Please pray for us as we go through the process of buying a home for the first time. Pray that things go smoothly & quickly. Pray that we would trust that this is God's plan & not ours.

We are so thankful for the blessing of our family who has been helping us every step of the way.

We can not wait to get "Old Old Fashion" and move out of town, start our farm, live in a beautiful old home....and live the dreams God has on our hearts!

{Little Update}

I really want to update this blog more often. Almost every day I think of something I want to put on here & every day time escapes me and I just can not get here to do it! Well, this week I am committing to blogging 3 times. I want to make it a priority as it is a great place to record ideas and memories and also to connect with others who might have the same interests!

The past two weeks we have had an incredible amount of help from our families. My mother in-law was here one full week and then my mom came down the next full week. It was amazing. I got to "sleep in" and catch naps here and there that I would not have otherwise. My mom did tons of laundry and kept our place sparkling clean. Andrew's mom got us yummy take out almost every night and kept Judah entertained almost every second of the day. We also had my aunt & uncle & cousins stop in on Sunday and give us a little break--it was glorious! We got to go grocery shopping alone and have lunch alone. We are so very thankful for our wonderful families!

The twinnies are doing amazing, growing like little weeds. FAT little weeds :) Ryder decided to take the beef cake lead and outgrew Will by a full TWO pounds!!! What?! I am serious. He is sporting the double chin and the 5 ring arm rolls. It's pretty impressive. Ryder is a 12 pound rump roast and Lil Will is coming in at 10 pounds. I don't know how this happened, as they both eat the same amount of times every day....I guess Ryder just knows how to turn his portion into fat cells a little more effectively :)

Big bro as as wild and feisty as ever. he can be such a hand full at times, but then a minute later he can be so still and sweet. Gotta love a good, solid two year old. He is talking up a storm and finding out that he has enough vocabulary to tell Andrew and I what to do :)

"Mama, shhh. It's too loud"

"Daddy, come sit. Sit and watch Judah."

"Mama, GET UP!"

"Daddy, go outside. NOW."

"Mama. NO!!!"

"NO, Daddy!"

"NO NO NO NO!!!"

He is too smart. We are in for a lot of trouble ;) But, really he is unbelievably sweet most of the time. He loves to read and will sit for up to 45 minutes and quietly listen. He loves being outside and would skip every meal (and nap) to be out there non-stop. He has an endless curiosity that is so endearing to be around. We just love him to pieces...

Here are a few of his sweeter quotes:

"Oh, Mama. It's Ok." as he gently pats my cheek

"Daddy, you so silly!"

"Mama, my love you."

"Judah want to KISS THE BABY!"

"My happy!"

And that's just my little update of the past few weeks. In the next few days I have some exciting news about our farm!

{Change}

We are making changes for our family. Some big & some small.

For our health. For our environment. For our future.

After becoming parents we really started to look at the every day things we do, wanting to do the best thing for our child in every way, big & small.

When we had Judah one of the biggest leaps we took in how we would care for him in a simple way was in choosing to use cloth diapers. From there we started to evaluate all the "details" of raising a child...

What would we use for body care for our baby?

What would we feed him?

What would we clothe him in?

What will he play with?

How will we take him places?

It is not always easy to switch from the "conventional" way of doing things. A lot of times it can be cheaper and more convenient to do them the main stream way. And we have not been perfect, even knowing what choices are healthier, but this year we are going to dive in head first and slowly make the changes we have been wanting to implement over the past few years.

I hope to share many of the changes we are making on here as a way to inspire or guide others who might be interested.

Here are some of the areas we will be making changes in:

1. What we eat. We already try to eat locally as much as possible and cook homemade meals. But, as Andrew starts his venture into farming & his first CSA, we are really focusing on what we feed our family even more. I will be learning how to can and preserve all kinds of things this summer :) We are committing to not eating any prepared frozen meals (don't do this often, but if we do it has been from Trader Joe's--no preservatives, ect...but a heck of a lot of salt!) We will eat organic fruits and veggies as much as possible/available and a lot less meat (and when we do, it must be local.) We will not eat out often, but will choose instead to cook from scratch, at home & make it a fun, family activity...we really want Judah to have a love for cooking.

2. What we put on our bodies--shampoos, body washes, toothpastes, deodorants, ect. Our skin is the largest organ in our body and absorbs everything we put on it! I will be trying the "no-poo" regime (more on that later) and researching everything we use & sharing here. It is so scary to think about all the things in body care products and what the possible affects could be on our bodies years down the road...many chemicals in them have been linked to cancers, birth defects, ect.

3. What we buy. We want our kids to not only understand how to wisely spend money, but also to have a respect for the environment & what affects buying new has on it. We are committing to buying used as much as possible, reduce, reuse & recycle! Clothes, furniture, cookware, toys. When we do buy new, we want to buy from environmentally conscious companies, preferably made in the USA. I also want to learn more about sewing and creating things for our family with my own hands.

4. Driving less. It will be tricky now that we have 3 kiddos, but we have never shyed away from a challenge :) Two parents plus two Burleys= transportation for the whole fam!

A lot of times when I talk about this people say their number one reason to not make changes like these is cost. Let me tell you, Andrew and I are some of the most frugal/cheap people you will meet. It PAINS us to spend money, we hate it. I will be sharing about how you can really make it LESS expensive to make a lot of these changes!!

There is SO much more running through my head in ways that we can/need/will make changes...I am so excited to share this journey here!

{Some hopes & dreams}

This is something I have been wanting to blog about for awhile now, but have been afraid to put it out there for fear that it might somehow make it not less of a possibility somehow. My brain works in funny ways sometimes :)

But, I want to record this journey our family is on, so that ten years from now I can look back and see how everything unfolded...how God's hand has been on our lives in every aspect.

Andrew and I got married young, we were 21 and still in college, still trying to figure out who we were. We have never been ones to do things the "usual" way (if there is one). We knew that it would be much more difficult to get married so young, but we just wanted to grow and figure life out together. It HAS been hard, but I wouldn't change a thing. Over the past 4.5 years our hopes and dreams for the future have morphed and grown and now we finally feel like we have a complete picture of where we are headed.

We have never wanted certain milestones in our life to be defined by the "standards" of how things "should" be. For me, that has been something I truly want, but also something that is extremely difficult for me to put into motion. For Andrew, it is effortless. He knows what he wants and stands firm in what he believes, moving forward without fear. I admire him so much for that. He is the one who keeps me focused on the goal, what we really want out of life.

I like stability, predictability. I want to KNOW what is going to happen, I want a plan, I want answers. Andrew is a dreamer. A BIG dreamer, full of passion and determination to see those dreams come true. He has so much faith and confidence in me, something I lack greatly in for myself. It scares the crap out of me to take a leap and not know where we will land or how things will end up...but, I know that I would look back on our life and regret not taking these leaps and just letting life pull me down the river.

We want BIG things for our family. We want to truly LIVE life and live it to the fullest. Andrew and I have had so many conversations about our future. There have been many late nights of talking and dreaming, but in the back of my mind is always that fear...that "what if."

SO, you ask, what ARE we planning?

Well, that's a long answer :) But, in short these are some of our hopes and dreams for the future that I hope to share more about on here later:

-We want to have our kids grow up in the country, to be close to nature, to be free and barefoot like kids should be :)

-We want to be together...to find a way to work from home, to be with our kids, to be with eachother and at the same time provide for our family with the talents we have.

-We want to impact our community and teach people about healthy living

-We want to get back to the "basics"--as we like to say, "we want to get old fashioned."

So, in short that is a glimpse of what our future holds. Keep up with where we are headed by joining my blog and following along in the exciting months and years ahead :)

To close, are the lyrics to what we call "our song"--- a song by Jeffery Foucault that really captures the heart of what we dream of for our life...

ONE FOR SORROW

We'll start out with fancy sheets
And wear them down so thin
I'll get myself a coal black suit
I'll never wear again
Your Mama will give us china
And your Daddy give us hell
And when we make our getaway
They're gonna ring those wedding bells

"One for sorrow, two for joy" they say
I've had my fill of sorrow anyway

I was driving out on County N
With my high-beam headlights on
In the late night FM no man's land
Looking for a Tom Petty song
The Perseids were falling
In that hothouse August night
I saw two come down together
And I thought it looked about right

"One for sorrow, two for joy" they say
I've had my fill of sorrow anyway

And we'll have a hundred babies
And a little house outside of town
With a wood-stove and a claw-foot tub
When we're all done traveling around

"One for sorrow, two for joy" they say
And I've had my fill of sorrow anyway
And it's "one for sorrow, two for joy" I know
And I've been one for sorrow far too long
Far too long

-

{One Month}

I can not believe my babies are one month old...such a cliche thing to say, but I really can not wrap my mind around how this could have happened in what feels like overnight.

The days are melting away and there is nothing I can do to slow them down. It feels like we are caught up in a tornado and I am just trying to hold onto all of these little moments.

With Judah I spent every day just cuddling and savoring every minute, but with two babies AND a toddler around I am lucky to stop & hold onto one moment a day. It makes me sad in a way because I can not enjoy each of my babies the way I did Judah, individually. But there really is something so special about having two babies at once....

Twice the chubby cheeks to kiss

Twice the sweet baby smell

Twice the soft baby skin to touch

Twice the little smiles in their sleep

It is overwhelming at times how much cuteness is packed in one place :)

What I want to remember about the first month:

Learning how to carrying two babies at once

Learning how to carry two babies at once while running after a wild toddler

Seeing Andrew cuddling all three boys at once

Judah yelling, "check the baby!" whenever he hears one of them cry

The way it feels to have two sweet babies quietly gazing up at me at 3am

How incredibly tiny and sweet they are

Will's soft lamb-like cry & chin quiver

Ryder's strong, determined cry

Judah telling Andrew which baby is which & Judah being right & Andrew being wrong :)

Ryder rolling over at TWO weeks old

Will sleeping 23 hours of the day

Judah telling me, "good job mama!" when I feed the babies

Judah watching WAY too many movies

Building train tracks while nursing

Our first time taking all three kids on a road trip (to visit great grandma)

Snowy days trapped inside with my sweet family

Andrew cooking delicious meals at 9pm when we finally had time to eat :)

Changing diapers 40 times a day with my eyes closed

Midnight tinkles & many outfit changes

Loads and loads and loads of laundry

The sweet sound of the babies' gentle breathing in their sleep

Keeping track of every feeding & diaper changing on the iPad

Pizza for dinner 5 nights a week

Doing everything one handed, all the time & getting really good at it :)

Judah tickling the babies' toes

Judah licking the babies' faces and saying, "oh gross," but doing again anyway

Late nights with Andrew, both so tired we can barely talk, but smiling

Andrew never hearing the babies cry at night

Andrew getting up EVERY time to help me in the middle of the night

Being so thankful for a wonderful husband & father

Being so blessed

Both boys are about 8 lbs and 20.5 inches long

They JUST started wearing 0-3 month clothes, but can still squeeze into some newborn

Even though we rarely go anywhere I dress them up every day

Ryder has blue eyes and auburn hair

Will has one brown eye & one blue eye and his hair is dark brown

They look nothing alike.

Will has his great grandma Carol & Aunt Heidi's eyes

Ryder looks so much like his big brother Judah

Both boys have so much of Andrew in them--his hands, his toes, his smile

Will has my nose and Ryder my hair color

They are so precious, so themselves.

I took a bunch of one month pictures, I will post some soon :)

We have received so much support and love this first month...

My sister spent the first two, difficult weeks with us

I don't know how we would have survived with out her!

So many sweet friends came to entertain Judah and hold a crying baby

We have received MANY diapers, special thanks to my sweet parents!

Pizzas were homemade, ordered & baked for us

Neighbors dropped off sweet gifts & took Judah for play dates

Friends volunteered to have Judah play at their house

Others took him on fun trips like the zoo or the children's museum

My parents sent us on a much needed Valentine's dinner

Andrew's parents bought us amazing concert tickets for a great date night

So many sweet cards and gifts were sent

So many prayers on our behalf

Without all of this our first month would not have been so smooth

We made it

We survived our first month with twins and LOVED it!

We look forward to many more and give thanks for all the wonderful people who have been by our side, supporting and loving our little family.

WE LOVE YOU ALL!

{Noble Warriors}

We had a really hard time deciding on names for the boys.

With Judah, it was really easy. We both loved the name and had decided on it before we knew whether or not we were having a girl or a boy. If it was a boy, with out a doubt it would be Judah.

And the name fit him perfectly.

Judah means "praise"--and our little guy is so full of joy and life & he just loves to experience life to the fullest, he fits it to a tee.

This time we had a whole long list of girl names and just a few boy names that we kind of liked. We were sure it was a A girl...as in ONE, just one little girl.

We were so wrong :)

When we found out we were actually going to be having TWO babies, we still assumed that there had to be one girl in there...

So, we got to work on choosing two names.

Two girls names? No problem.

A boy & a girl's names? Not too difficult.

TWO boys names? We could not decide.

SO, when we found out we were having TWO boys...we were at a loss for quite a while as to what we would name these two little babes.

We knew we wanted to name one after my family and one after Andrew's.

We kind of tossed some name combos around for awhile. We really did not want them to sound "twinny"--no matchy matchy names, nothing that started with the same letter.

Then we found two that we both could agree on, but we were not completely sure if they were "the ones" :

Ryder Elwood & Will Albert

Ryder was a name that Andrew came up with & I liked it more than any of his other suggestions :) Elwood was Andrew's paternal grandfather's middle name. Will was something we came up with after struggling to find a way to name one of the babies after my dad. My maiden name was Williquette & my dad has always gone by "Willy" as a sort of nickname. So, we decided that Will would be the perfect way to honor my dad :) And Albert was my very special grandpa.

We had not looked into name meanings much in our quest to find the perfect name for our boys, so just out of curiosity we decided to see what the meanings of the first and middle names we had picked out were...were were shocked at what we found!

RYDER- warrior on horseback

ELWOOD- noble forest

WILL- strong-willed warrior

ALBERT- noble & bright

We couldn't believe it. It was then that we knew these were the perfect names for our sweet boys. Our two little noble warriors :)

{And then there were 5}

Wednesday 2.1.12--the day we went from parents of 1 to parents of 3 :)

We could not have hoped for a better experience. My doctor has said over and over that she has never had a twin delivery go so smoothly. We are so thankful for this after a LONG and difficult pregnancy.

This is Will & Rdyer's birth story :)

On Wednesday (2.1.12) morning I called triage and quickly got the SAME response I had gotten the Saturday before..."we are full right now, call back at 9am and we should be able to get you in this afternoon."

I had just gotten out of the shower, dried my hair was READY to head over to the hospital. The bags were all ready (AGAIN) and I was not about to be told I had to wait another day!

I had just told Andrew the news and was holding back tears when my phone rang. It was triage calling back, less than 5 minutes later. They "suddenly" had room for me and told me to come in at 7am. I later found out that my doctor had called in right after me and found out they were not taking me. She was NOT happy! Love my doctor. LOVE.

As we left the house to head for the hospital we snapped one last picture of us as a family of 3. I started to tear up as we said goodbye to Judah. I was so worried about how everything would affect him. Would he still know how much we love him?! Would he know it would never change?

We showed up at 7am sharp and were escorted to one of the beautiful new birthing suites. We just kind of hung out with our nurse for an hour or so, answering lots of ridiculous questions. Then at 8:30 my doctor strolled in to give the go ahead to start my antibiotics (I found out I was step B positive). I had to have 4 hours of antibiotics in before they could break my water. I was already 5cm with stronger contractions, so they were hoping I could make it the 4 hours.

The morning was pretty uneventful. Judah came up and hung out with us a few hours. He was pretty scared of the big hospital room and seeing me in the hospital bed. He quickly warmed up when the nurses started talking to him & gave him a big brother sticker :)

At around 1, when the antibiotics had finally gone through one round, my doctor came back and said it was time to break my water! She was sure once my water broke things would move quickly.

And they did.

Within an hour and a half of breaking my water I told Andrew I thought it was time! I paged my nurse and the resident doctor came quickly to check my progress. I was 10cm! Andrew had a HUGE smile on his face and grabbed my hand and said, "here we go!"

My heart was beating SO fast. Suddenly the room flooded with people. They had to get me to the OR to deliver. Before I knew it Andrew was dressed in scrubs and we were rolling down the hall to the OR.

The OR was really intimidating compared to the softly lit, comfortable birthing suite. It was HUGE. The lights were bright and there were SO many people in the room:

-MY OB

-2 Resident doctors

-My birthing room nurse plus 4 others

-4 NICU nurses

-2 Pediatricians

-An anesthesiologist/ photographer :)

-A few other random people that I am still not sure of why they were there, but at that point I just didn't care anymore!

The bed in the OR was so narrow and uncomfortable. I was afraid I would fall off when I started pushing!

The nurses were all loving Andrew and his enthusiasm :) He was all smiles and just so excited to meet his new little boys.

My doctor seemed annoyed with all the people hustling around and kept insisting that we really did not need them all there, even though she knows they have to be. She's too funny.

Within 10 minutes of being in the OR my doctor gave me the go ahead to start pushing. All I could think about was how badly I just wanted to BREATHE again! That was my motivation to push the first baby out :)

The anesthesiologist quickly turned photographer grabbed our camera from Andrew and told him to enjoy the moment and he would take care of the pictures! What an amazing guy!

About 15 minutes later Ryder was born. I could not believe how sweet and small he was. He looked so much like Judah did, but a lot tinier. As Andrew and I were cuddling our new son my doctor reminded me that we were not done yet! :) What a strange feeling...to deliver you baby and realize that there was one more still to come!

As they were weighing and checking Ryder over I had to concentrate on pushing again. It was so hard to do when all I wanted to do was look over at what was going on with Ryder. Andrew had followed the baby over to the warmer and seemed to have forgotten his job of helping me :) One of the nurses ushered him back to my side.

Before I started pushing I asked my doctor how long it usually was between births. She said "anywhere between a couple minutes to 6 hours."

I was not about to push for 6 more hours and started to push as hard as a I could. Everyone was saying, "whoa! WHOA! Slow down, hold on just...here comes another baby!" It seemed like only a few seconds went by, but from the time of Ryder's birth to Will's birth it was 17 minutes...so I maybe pushed 5-10 minutes! It was awesome. I swear delivering twins was EASIER than my delivery with Judah! It just happened so fast.

When I first saw Will I was blown away by how different he and Ryder looked. He was SO precious and so tiny too. Just as he was in the womb, he was so quite and peaceful with the sweetest little cry. We were in love.

As they took Will to be weighed everything finally felt real. We just had twins. We have two sweet little babies! After 9 months of an incredibly difficult pregnancy I had my reward...and it was SO worth it. I would do it again in a second.

Here is our first picture with both boys:

{Andrew is holding Ryder & I have a just born Will}

Both boys were 6 lbs 13 ounce! The whole room started laughing when they announced it! They were also only 1/4 of an inch apart in length!

Everyone in the room was beaming. We were so thankful of such a smooth, easy delivery. It was the perfect start to our family of 5 :)

I felt great afterwards and was walking around really quickly. I remember feeling so much more tired and sore after having Judah. This time I hardly felt like I had given birth.

We called my dad, who was not able to be there, first and told him the babies' names. We wanted him to feel special and be the first to know their names. We had named Will after him. (More on why we chose their names in a later post).

After talking to my dad, my mom , sister, Andrew's parents and Judah came in the room to meet the babies. Judah was thrilled! Shortly after they came in a few friends followed and Judah exclaimed, "BABIES! BABIES! BABIES!" He was jumping up and down and so excited to show off his new brothers. Thank you Mandy, Carolyn and Mitch for coming to meet our boys!

When everyone left and we moved to our recovery room we finally had a moment to stop and be thankful for what a blessing the day had been. We were just in awe of our 2 sweet boys and stayed up way too late cuddling them. One nurse scolded us and told us we better get some sleep while we had a chance. But, we didn't care, we were so happy and would have stayed up all night.

To celebrate we ordered Chili's take-out :) I had been craving it for so long and was not able to enjoy it because of my gestational diabetes...it felt SO good to be able to eat what I wanted again!

Thank you to everyone who kept us in your prayers that day and for so much of my pregnancy. We could feel God answering them all along.