{a story of love}

This is a story of love. One that is kept secret, misunderstood, misused, shouted from the roof tops, lived and died for....it is our story.

I am a Christian. 

{If you are not or if the very word makes you want to stop reading right now, please keep reading}.

The word "Christian" carries so many meanings to many people. It can be a word that brings memories of hate, of unacceptance, of fear.

Unfortunately that is not what Jesus intended for his followers, Christians, to do. Jesus is about love. He is about acceptance.

During this election I have seen many hateful comments from other Christians on the topics of gay rights & abortion especially.

I don't want to get into what is "right" and what is "wrong"---is it my place anyway? No. What I want to stress is that it DOES NOT MATTER what other people choose to do with their lives. We {as Christians} are not called to tell other people what to do, what we are called to do is to LOVE & ACCEPT, because isn't that exactly what Jesus did for us?

We might not see things the same way, but I love you. God loves you. 

I was not always a Christian. I have always been a sinner {and still am}. But, I have always been loved by God. Same goes for each and every person on this planet.

When I chose to follow in Jesus's footsteps I just finished my freshman year of college. I finally saw an acceptance and love I had longed for my whole life. No matter what I do, no matter who I am, God loves me. I learned this while working at a camp for kids with disabilities. They loved me as God did. They didn't care what I had done right or wrong in my life, to them I was valuable and worth loving despite any of it. It still brings me to tears when I think of the way these kids showed the Lord's love to me.

And that is just the point. This is a story of love. 

"I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world."

-Mother Teresa

If we want God to be represented through our lives, we need to start loving people where they are. 

I want to say sorry to you if you have ever been treated without love or respect by a Christian. I want to say sorry if that Christian was ever me.

We are human. We fail. But, God never changes. His love is beyond us, beyond our understanding, unconditional and life changing. If you have never had the chance to experience that kind of love I pray that you would, because God deeply loves every person on this earth and desires to have a relationship with us right where we are.

Without a doubt, finding this love, finding a God who loved me like this has been the single most utterly life changing thing I have ever experienced. 

This is a story of LOVE. 

{on saying "sorry"}

We are constantly telling Judah he needs to "say sorry" for little things he does; pushing or taking something from one of the babies, yelling, kicking, throwing his football in the house or treating the iPad like it is a football {ah!}

But, yesterday, I learned an important lesson: somethings parents need to "say sorry" too.

It is not that I never realized that I do things {daily} that hurt or upset someone else...but I never thought that I would need to offer an apology {and admit I was wrong} to my child, my 2 year old son.

It is humbling when you see your child as a mini person, someone who deserves respect and sometimes has it right when you do not.

It was a out of control typical morning at our house and Judah woke up full of energy, ready to get the day started with a good game of football. I, on the other hand, was exhausted and had not had my coffee just yet. I promised him we would play football when the babies went down for their morning nap. 

Both babies were in a feisty kind of mood and were really clingy all morning....and mama never did get that coffee.

When they finally laid down {after 20 minutes of screaming}I plopped down on the couch to catch up on some emails, completely forgetting about the promised game of football.

Judah was not happy about this.

He came over and began to pull on my arm to get me off the couch, mummbling something I could not understand....and then he started screaming.

I was running on empty and not in the mood for him throwing a tantrum and snapped at him to stop, which of course made him even more upset.

He ran out of the room and I got back to my work. 

A few minutes later he was back {with football in hand}and a huge smile on his face. When I looked up and saw him staring at me with his big blue eyes full of joy & excitement my heart sank...I felt terrible that I had forgotten my promise to him.

I pulled him into my lap and said, "oh Bud, I am so sorry. Mommy told you she would play football with you during the babies nap and I forgot. I yelled at you and that was not okay. Let's go play football right now!" 

He put his little hand on my face and said, "it's okay, Mommy. Sometimes Mommies get sassy too, but My love you...and my love football!!!"

It was not the first time I had apologized to Judah, but this time it really hit me. This little boy, at such a young age understood that everyone makes mistakes and he was freely ready to offer his forgiveness. 

I pray that as my boys grow up that I could continue to humble myself before them {and say sorry} in big and little mistakes, in things that I intentionally or unitentionally may do that upset them. I don't want to see myself as the one in control, the one who is always right. I have so much to learn from my children. They bring so much joy and will one day maybe have a totally different perspective on life than I do.

Judah Jay, you are wise beyond your years. You are so full of joy and you accept and love me even when I am not doing my best. I love you so much, buddy.